Aah, Christmas. The one day of the year you can stuff yourself full of every fabulous food source under the sun and nobody is going to judge you. You can indulge to your heart’s content, because on this glorious day, calories just do not exist.
However, that doesn’t change your body’s reaction to the obscene amount of Christmas cheer you’ve consumed. So if you’ve binged as merrily as we did this year, chances are you’re currently going through the 11 stages of festive overload recovery…
1. Your dress is suddenly two sizes too small.
It doesn’t matter how much Zumba you did in the lead-up, your dress always shrinks dramatically over a period of about two hours. Yikes.
2. Your whole world tilts when you stand.
Whether it’s the turkey, the wine, or the copious amounts of sugar in the brandy sauce, you’re as unstable as the Titanic and retaining just as much fluid.
3. So you have to sit down again…on a different chair.
From point A to point B, seamlessly and semi-gracefully. Uuugghh…
4. You’re strangely lightheaded.
Houston, we have a problem.
5. So you find somewhere to go lie down.
The only bad thing about finally being horizontal is your stomach protruding upwards like one of the Himalayas.
6. And start drinking water like it’s going out of style.
WHY AM I SO THIRSTY?!!
7. You pretend like you’re fine.
So fine. So, so fine.
8. But really, you wanna spew something fierce.
Oh God..it’s prom all over again.
9. So you do…
Just be sure not to miss the basin.
10. And voila! You’re ready for leftovers.
Turkey! Give me all of the turkey!
11. Until the next time your stomach swells up like you just consumed several small children…
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