I don’t drink like a man. I drink like a boss.
When it comes to alcohol, I tend to lean toward Amy Schumer‘s drinking preferences, a’la, ensuring my house is always fully stocked.
It’s not that I’m a boozehound; far from it, I can go weeks (okay, days) without drinking without even noticing, but tell me I can’t have emergency access to margarita ingredients and I’m likely to run from the room screaming. A good drink (or three) has the ability to make tension-fraught family events bearable, boring friends half enjoyable and celebrations heightened. It’s also my main accessory of choice when it comes to taking selfies.
But while I don’t endorse alcoholism, nothing rubs me the wrong way more than someone commenting I ‘drink like a man’ or lack ladylike qualities because I happen to put away a glass of scotch better than the guy beside me. It’s one of the many things every woman who likes to drink is familiar with, including…
1. Your fave kind of gifts come in bottles.
2. Guys are threatened by the fact you can drink them under the table.
3. It annoys the hell out of you when people say women who drink aren’t ladylike.
4. Or tries to insinuate you can’t handle hard liquor because you’re a chick.
5. During the week though you try to stick to just one glass of wine a day.
6. Though you’re not particularly fussy about what kind of vessel it’s served in.
7. You have an impeccable sense of smell when it comes to sniffing out alcohol at any event.
8. So when you show up to a family do and there’s no booze…
9. Which is why you tend to bring back-ups, just in case.
10. You’re usually the one to get the party started.
11. You don’t get the point of juice bars. Aren’t they just cocktails missing vodka?
12. Which is why you tend to stick with people you share your affection for a good drink.
13. And regardless of what you drink, you always do it like a true classy woman.
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