You put WHAT in WHERE?
People getting things stuck in their bodies is the stuff of many classic urban legends. There’s the story of the cheerleader and the tuna salad, the sorority girl and the hot dog, Richard Gere and the hamster…we could go on. Some of these stories are disgusting; others are just puzzling.
But not all of them are mythical. Some, unfortunately, are all too real.
Reddit is a veritable treasure trove of stories of things shoved into orifices in hopes of getting off. And while using ordinary household objects as sex toys can actually be quite safe (and fun!), the following horrifying tales should serve as a reminder not to put anything inside you that you can’t get out – or you could end up like one of these unfortunate souls…
1. “I had a friend tell me he found a condom in his girlfriends vagina that wasn’t from him. This was years ago and I still wonder how she didn’t know it was there?? Amazingly he stayed with her.” – Roddair
2. “One time a patient complained of stomach pain and nobody could figure out what was the matter. He’s writhing in pain on the floor being sketchy about any reason he might be in so much pain. Eventually he got on his hands and knees, and the doctor working got the privilege of removing a giant paper mâché dildo from his ass.” – daninmn
3. “Lady comes in with foul vaginal odor;common complaint for this particular emergency room. The doctor sets up for a pelvic exam and asks the patient when was the last time she had intercourse; she says about a week ago. Doc pulls out a $100 dollar bill and says, ‘Looks like someone left you a tip.'” – nightshiftrounds
4. “CNA in training here. My instructor, who is a nurse, once pulled a very large chicken leg out of a woman’s vagina.” – flyingfalcon12
5. “My two favorites are a cock ring pulled out of a vagina that had been in there for six months, and then a large cucumber in an older gentleman.” – Sionainn
6. “A guy came into the ER with a ketchup bottle in his ass. He claimed that it got up there because he went grocery shopping and discovered he lost his keys when got home and was locked out. He saw that the second story window above his front door was open and tried to climb up into it. He lost his grip and fell onto the grocery bag he left on the doorstep. He didn’t have an explanation for how he perfectly landed just on the ketchup bottle or how his pants and underwear came off during the fall.” – Terrible_Detective45
7. “A friend during her clinicals said she had a patient come in who had a bobblehead stuck up his ass. The weirdest part: it was a bobblehead of himself, stuck up his own ass.” – Starsy
8. “My roommate is in nursing school and just did some shadowing in the Emergency Room. She said a woman came in with a billiards ball in her vagina, 8- ball specifically. Come on people, a fuckin’ pool ball?!” – papercupstacker
9. “Had a friend in PA school who had to assist in removing a Buzz Lightyear action figure from someone’s bum.” – FreakingEthan
10. “One day post-coitus, my boyfriend and I scanned the room for things to put in my vagina because we were bored. So a flashlight (hoping we could turn it on inside and see light come out of my vagina), and a cowbell. Yes I rang it.” – splambtch
11. “My roommate decided she was going to use her curling iron as a dildo. It was still hot. It was an awkward ride to the ER when she asked me to drive her. – michstew
12. “Draco Malfoy. I had one of the figurines and one Sunday, I decided to shove it in my vagina. I was 14 and didn’t know any better!” – anonymous
13. “A baby carrot. Let’s just say I got curious when I was a teenager. Years later, I told my boyfriend. He still hasn’t let me live it down.” – ireallylikebeards
14. “I think I’d have to go with the first thing I ever used to masturbate with: a glow-stick. Other foreign objects include: sharpie, cucumber, carrot, hairbrush, pen…Pretty much anything remotely phallic.” – RebeccaRegicide
15. “I’m an EMT and we got called to a guy one day who had lubed up his home door handle and his bumhole snapped over it to the thin part and he couldn’t get it out so he was still stuck on the door when we arrived.” – Turborg
16. “The decorative ball from a stair rail bannister.” – rescueninjaRN
17. “A surgeon who specializes in colorectal surgery told me that one time a patient came in with a vacuum hose coming out of his ass. Apparently it got stuck up there, the guy detached it from the vacuum unit, put on a bathrobe and called 911. From what I hear the guy ended up being ok.” – rawrrr817
GIFs via imgur.com, youtube.com, tumblr.com, wattpad.com, warnerbros.com and genius.com.
Comment: Tell the truth: have you ever gotten anything stuck inside you while you were fooling around?