Go ahead – unfriend me.
I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, and something tells me I’m not alone.
It’s a great way to stay connected with friends and family who live far away, and I do like sharing pictures of my kids and the occasional funny meme. But it can also be annoying and depressing sometimes.
Here are 17 things that bug me – and, let’s be honest, probably everyone. (And yes, I’ve committed at least half of these Facebook sins myself. Do as I say, not as I do.)
1. Liking absolutely everything
I get it – you’re sweet and enthusiastic. Meanwhile, everything you “like” ends up in my feed. Where does the madness end?
2. Checking in at the gym
Just FYI, this is what I’m picturing every time you check into the gym at 5am.
3. Beating us over the head with your lifestyle choices
Oh, so you’re a vegan/runner/socialist/childfree polyamorist? Oh wait – I already knew that because you post about it all the fucking time.
4. Taking pictures of your food
Just eat it, okay? I really don’t need to see it first. (Unless it’s a cake you baked – I always want to see cake.)
5. Posting too many vacation photos
OMG, you are having the best time! I’m so happy for you! Also, some of us haven’t taken a vacation in years, our dads just died, and we’re in the middle of a breakup. Go easy, will you?
6. Getting into political arguments with our friends
I post an innocent Obama meme and before I know it my uncle from Wyoming is in an epic comment war with a high-school classmate I don’t even remember. Great. Just great.
7. Posting cryptic status updates
Is something the matter? You’re mad? Sad? Confused? Don’t post that cry-for-help status update hoping we’ll guess what’s wrong. If you want to tell us, just tell us.
8. Announcing you’re going to cull your friends list
Oh, the drama. Want to cut your friends list down? Start with me – please.
9. Asking us to repost a status to raise “awareness”
I guess if you go by how many of these statuses I repost, I don’t actually care about breast cancer, autism, mental illness, suicide or anything else.
10. Inviting us to play games
Are people still playing FarmVille and Candy Crush? Really?
11. Constantly complaining about your job, your house or your partner
Listen. If you’ve got a job, a house or a partner, you’re doing better than a lot of people. Quit griping and drum up some gratitude.
12. Posting love notes to your significant other
If you’re so in love, how about getting off Facebook and telling each other in person instead of posting mushy messages on each other’s walls?
13. Getting into fights with your significant other
Even more awkward than when you post schmoopy messages to each other. And yet we can’t look away.
14. Warning us about Facebook’s updated terms, privacy settings, etc
Even my mom knows how to look things up on Snopes, you guys.
15. Crossposting on every social-media platform
You don’t need to share every post you make across all your profiles. Different sites are better for different things. Pick a platform for each post and stick to it.
16. Sending group messages
My face every time I get a notification when one of the 37 people you added to a group message posts a reply.
17. Telling us how much you hate Facebook
Wait, why are you on here then? Are you being forced to post against your will? Should I call the police? Log off and live!
GIFs via giphy.com, imgur.com and youtube.com.
Comment: What’s your biggest Facebook pet peeve?