We really can’t be bothered anymore.
Having a baby shakes things up – everyone knows that. But what no one tells you is that once you have kids, you’ll stop caring about a lot of things that used to seem pretty important (and there are a few things you’ll wish your friends knew, too).
There’s really no way to adequately prepare for the havoc that becoming a parent will wreak on your life. But here’s a brief preview of what you won’t have any time or energy to do once you’ve got an eight-pound dictator in the house.
1. Wearing makeup all the time
Just showering feels like a victory when there’s a baby demanding to be held at all times.
2. Keeping the house immaculate
Like American columnist Erma Bombeck said: “Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.”
3. Eating well
We’ll only give our babies free-range organic small-batch artisanal foods – but we’ve stashed peanut butter M&Ms in the cupboard for a late-afternoon pick-me-up.
4. Saving activewear for the gym
There’s no time for yoga, so we’ll just wear those yoga pants around the house.
5. Getting eight hours of sleep every night
Even four consecutive hours feels like a miracle. Just call us the queens of broken sleep.
6. Impressing the boss
The new boss may be a miniature tyrant, but her head smells amazing.
7. Finishing a book
The only books we’re even reading these days are by Dr Seuss.
8. Seeing movies as soon as they come out
Who are we kidding? We know we’re not going to be watching them until they hit Netflix.
9. Tending to our pets’ every whimper
Sorry, dogs – you’re not getting walked until the baby gets changed, fed and put down for a nap.
10. Collecting stamps in our passports
Maybe we’ll travel again when the kids are in college. Oh, wait – how will we afford it then?
11. Taking crazy risks
We’re putting skydiving in that category – we’re definitely not doing that.
12. Having tons of sex – even if we know it’d be hot AF
Tons of sleep sounds so much better these days.
13. Keeping up with friends’ love lives
A parent’s brain is too fuzzy to keep up with yet another worrying sexcapade.
14. Wearing actual ‘outside’ clothes out of the house
Sometimes PJs will just have to do.
15. Not getting knee-deep in bodily fluids
Poop, pee, vom… Enough said.
16. Caring what anyone thinks
We’ve got bigger – or, rather, smaller – things to worry about.
17. Remembering life before bub
Was there ever a time when this amazing creature didn’t exist?
GIFs via giphy.com and wifflegif.com.
Comment: Are you a parent? What did you stop caring about once bub arrived?