I’m happy, goddammit.
If I had a dollar for every time someone stopped me to ask, “What’s wrong??” I’d be moving into Amy Schumer’s penthouse by now.
More often than not, I’m a happy person, but it doesn’t stop strangers assuming otherwise. Why? Because I have Resting Bitch Face Syndrome, otherwise known as the chronic use of a resting face that resembles that of a mildly pissed off individual.
Don’t ask me where I got it from. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. Despite my extrovert outlook and social butterfly persona, kids at school used to constantly call me a snob. Apparently I looked like I was giving one too many of my peers a death stare on the playground. In reality, I was just thinking about what I was going to buy from the canteen. But that’s the thing with having Resting Bitch Face, it’s always there, even when you’re internally dancing on a rainbow. These are the struggles that everyone with Resting Bitch Face knows all too well…
1. You’re actually a very happy person.
2. But everyone assumes you’re in a constant state of PMS, thanks to your Resting Bitch Face.
3. And as such, you’re forever getting told to “Smile”.
4. Or, “Brighten up! It can’t be that bad!”
5. Which only annoys you, paradoxically giving you a case of Actual Bitch Face.
6. No one ever thinks you’re having a good time when you attend their events.
7. And as such, they assume you’re judging them.
8. Which might explain why you often get the cold shoulder when you’re first introduced to someone.
9. Or why store people always roll their eyes at you whenever you politely ask for assistance.
10. But the truth is, you’re not judging anyone. That’s just the way your face is.
11. Which is why when people get to know you, they usually like you.
12. But annoyingly they also often tell you, “Wow, you’re nothing like I expected. I thought you were a total bitch when I first met you!”
13. It’s also hard to be taken seriously when you’re genuinely upset about something, seeing as everyone assumes you’re pissed off all the time.
14. And as such the rest of the time you tend to overcompensate by forcing a giant smile, which usually only serves to make you look like a psychopath.
15. In reality though, you’re happy.
17. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I AM GODDAMMIT.
18. Okay, now I’m pissed off.
Comment: Do you suffer from Resting Bitch Face?