Because it’s the next natural step after vajazzling.

In the past year or so, altering a woman’s, er, private bits has become extremely (and bewilderingly) popular. Labiaplasties, vontouring, and the ever-glamourous vajazzling are sweeping the cosmetic market. Suddenly, the body part people see the least of has become our greatest source of angst.

However, after much contemplation, I had an epiphany. Why should women focus on vuh-vooming our va-jay-jays when men clearly have the more statuesque reproductive organ? Surely a little razzle-dazzle on the old peen wouldn’t go astray? If you’re not already convinced I’ve struck gold, here are seven reasons ‘pejazzling’ should be the new vajazzling…

1. There’s more surface area

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The penis is what you would call a glaringly obvious body part. It’s long, it’s dangly, it’s much larger than the vulva, and it sure as hell isn’t going anywhere, so why wouldn’t guys want to take advantage of it’s natural prowess and give it a little more pizzazz?

2. It can be embellished with braids

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Here’s an idea. As well as focusing on the peen itself, how about we give it a hairstyle? Surely some gifted hair technician could find a way to make male pubic hair as luscious as a L’Oreal commercial.

3. It’d give ‘family jewels’ new meaning

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Imagine this; a darkened room with only flickering candles for light. Your handsome beau looks at you, eyes aflame with desire, and slowly removes his underwear to reveal…holy hell! Look at all those jewels glisten! The more erect he gets, the prettier it becomes (which is usually the other way around). I’ll take two!

4. You could wrap it up like a present


If you’re into more metrosexual kind of guys, imagine your beau with a bow, around his you-know-what. For starters, there’s a lot more to wrap a ribbon around down there than there is on us girls. Is it just me or is this already a whole lot more appealing than the normal use of a bow?

5. It could be themed


Here’s another awesome idea. Have your man surprise you with a different shade every time you engage in fellatio. Green for Saint Patrick’s Day, red for Valentine’s Day, and your fave on your birthday. What could be better?

6. It could give shy guys a boost


We’ve all said it a million times. Size doesn’t matter. We really don’t care that much. But of course our men won’t believe us. Imagine the confidence boost a beautifully pejazzled penis would give a guy who is insecure about his size. A more confident partner always makes for better sex, just sayin’, ladies…

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