Definitive proof human bodies are freaking weird.
Back in my sophomore year, a rumor was spread throughout the school about me. For some reason, a girl named Helen decided to name me as the unknown harpy her boyfriend, Dean, had cheated on her with in the bathtub at her house.
I’d never spoken to this girl let alone knew where she lived, and I only knew who her boyfriend was once someone pointed him out to me when the lies surfaced – but overnight I’d become a “slut”. The popular girls – who were of course on Helen’s side – would give me filthy looks and shake their head when I walked past them. It was a horrible environment.
I’m not a slut; I’ve never been paid to have sex with women or men, and I’ve never actually cheated or been the cheater – though I would love to spy on cheaters for a living. I like sex as much as the next woman, which is lucky, because abstaining can actually have a damaging effect on your body.
I wish I knew these things back then; if I had the confidence as well as the knowledge, I would have really educated those idiots as to why I really should have fucked Helen’s boyfriend (who is now her husband, BTW).
Here are six crazy things that happen to your body when you stop having sex…
1. You’ll become dumb
Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Elaine abstains from sex and gets dumber? Turns out that wasn’t just a hilarious plot line. Scientists have found that regular sex leads to better memory and increases our ability to learn and retain new information.
2. You may never feel like sex again
Leave it long enough and you could completely lose access to your libido. Think of it like this: it takes our bodies 21 days to form a new habit. Sure, you could cut sex out for 21 days and end up on a wild sex rampage, or you could end up filling your time with other hobbies and not missing it at all – permanently.
3. Your short- and long-term health will be at risk
“Sex twice a week prevents heart disease in both sexes, reduces the risk of both breast and prostate cancer and boosts our immune system,” reveals sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox.
Supporting this notion is research that’s come out of Wilkes-Barre University in Pennsylvania, which found that people who had sex once or twice a week enjoyed a 30 per cent boost in immunoglobulin A (IgA), one of the body’s first lines of defense against viruses. Hope you’re ready for that hideous flu going around…
4. You’ll end up in a world of pain
You’ll actually be able to use “I have a headache” as an excuse. For the lucky ones among us, having sex leads to orgasms. And orgasms release oxytocin and endorphins, hormones that can help relieve migraines, period pain and back pain. Put simply, no sex equals more headaches.
5. You’ll feel more stressed
Sex relieves stress, as it sends a rush of feelgood hormones through the body, but stress kills sex, as it “makes you tired, distracted and unmotivated to do anything”, says sex and relationship therapist Dr Laura Berman.
“When a woman is stressed, the hormonal changes in her body trigger a chemical reaction, causing sex hormone-binding globulin to bind with testosterone cells, so they’re unavailable for libido and sexual response.” Eek – it’s a vicious circle!
6. If you’re in a relationship, you won’t feel as connected to your partner
There’s no denying the closeness we feel when we have sex with our SO – abstaining is obviously the fastest way to lose that. “For men, particularly, sex is a way of expressing love if they’re not great at articulating their emotions,” explains Cox.
“Take sex off the table and you remove the most intense, effective, important way of showing affection. Love without sex is friendship.”
Not only that, it could also foster insecurities. “Going without sex in a marriage can deliver a hit to your self-esteem, engender guilt and decrease levels of oxytocin and other bonding hormones,” says psychologist Les Parrott.
“It can also increase fears that one of you will look to others for your sexual needs, which can breed a little paranoia.”
Now, do you really want to risk all that…?
Images via favim.com and giphy.com.
Comment: If you had to pick sex or chocolate for the rest of your life, what would you choose?