Something’s on fire. Oh, you know what – it’s probably just your burnin’ loins!
Let me draw a picture for you… When you first start dating someone, it’s new, it’s exciting. You’re both living with mates or your parents (eek), so every moment you’re together is precious. You grab every opportunity to have sex in as many places as possible – the kitchen counter, the sofa, the garage – before the intruders you once happily let fill your time get back home.
Fast-forward a few years and you’ve moved in together and have a ring on your finger. You’ve explored absolutely every crevice of each other’s body and have found yourselves in a sexual rut. There are no more surprises. Sexy time is now a chore that’s scheduled for Saturday night, when the kids (double eek!) are in bed.
This is not an uncommon scenario. When you’ve been with your partner for a long time, it can be easy to become stale. Here’s how to save your sexual connection.
1. Say yes to morning sex
Be more spontaneous with when you have your romps. Instead of sticking to night-time sex because then you can hide your wobbly bits in the dark, get down in the morning, when you first wake up. Or start doing it on the kitchen bench again (before breakfast, so there are no hotplates on or sharp knives laying around). Since orgasms are proven mood-boosters, you’re guaranteed to be beaming rays of positivity all day long.
2. Start dating again
Arrange to meet at a romantic restaurant one night each week and learn something new about each other. If you’ve got kids, hire a babysitter and try not to have conversations solely based on them; it may be hard to read this, but being a parent doesn’t define you. Afterwards, go to your pre-booked hotel room and get. it. on.
3. Play dress-ups
This can be anything from a gorgeous lingerie set to a sexy maid costume. Stop yourself from overthinking it – yes, it’s probably going to come off anyway, but there is a good reason to spend the money: helping to keep your spark alive. We love the feminine pieces from Naran and the outrageously sexy sets by Agent Provocateur.
4. Bring foreplay back
In my experience, the longer the foreplay, the more intense the orgasm. And, thanks to the brilliant mind and research of sexual health expert Dr Jennifer Berman, I’m not the only one who enjoys it. “Foreplay helps to maintain intimacy – physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy,” explains Berman. So instead of hopping right on to the horse, take the time to engage each other’s bodies.
5. Talk dirty
“People very much enjoy dirty talking because it activates all regions of your brain,” says psychotherapist Daryl Cioffi. “Similar areas of the brain are touched upon during dirty talk as when we curse. So, as your brain sees it, the dirtier the better.” Our advice? Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Laugh at the weird shit that’s coming out of your mouths. Talk about your fantasies, what you’re feeling, what you want your SO to do…
6. Try new positions
The ultimate goal is an orgasm for each of you – this will help build the appreciation factor for each other. If orgasms aren’t being achieved (and FYI, you’re not alone – it’s been reported only 66 per cent of women climax), try new things until you find something that works. For example, have shower sex or swap positions. Seeing and feeling each other from different angles will stimulate new sexual responses.
7. Watch porn together
This could end in one of two ways: with you both being so turned on that you end up doing it right there in front of the TV, or with you both laughing so damn hard that you end up seeing a more relaxed side to each other (a seriously attractive quality) and you end up doing it right there in front of the TV. But seriously, watching porn is one of the healthiest sexual activities you could engage in, and it’ll help you learn a lot about what you both like.
8. Be affectionate
If you’re feeling loved and happy outside the bedroom, it will translate inside the bedroom, according to a recent Chapman University study. Researchers found that while 57 per cent of men in long-term relationships weren’t happy with the sex they were having, 32 per cent said their sex lives were just as passionate as they had been in the first six months of their relationship. Their secret? Showing affection all day long, not just when they want sex.
GIFs via favim.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com, usanetwork.com.
Comment: How have you kept things hot in a long-term relationship?