“All you’ve got to do is make sure you’re both clean and it’s a great thing to be part of.”
Things are about to get really personal, so if you don’t like the sound of that, turn away now…
If you’re still with me, welcome to the inner workings of our fellow womankind. Today’s lesson is on oral sex. Some of us love it, some of us hate it. I, personally, love getting it and hate giving it – and thankfully, my mister is happy with that arrangement.
I know I’m one of the lucky ones and he’s definitely not, but every time I give it I can’t help but wish he would just blow so it would be over and done with.
Am I alone in this thought? To find out, I asked women on the street what they really think when they give oral, because we really should start talking about our private parts more often. Some rolled their eyes and walked away, others had the courage to be honest with a stranger in an open forum. Snaps to these girls for reminding us we’re not alone when our internal monologues go something a little like this…
1. No. Just no.
“I don’t like it at all. And the worst part is that guys expect it. No – we don’t want to have our lips and tongue down there. Yuck! Way back when I used to do it, I would just keep wishing it would be over.”
Sophie, 34, receptionist
2. I need more money…
“Okay, this is something my girls and I were chatting about on the weekend. I’m fine to do it – it’s not my fave thing in the world, but I’ll do it – but it’s over as soon as he starts pushing my head down on it. Only porn stars like deep-throating – and that’s just ’cause they get paid to do it!”
Mel, 30, public relations associate
3. What will it take?
“Actually, I love doing it. It’s something that’s important to my husband, which I knew before I married him, so if that’s what it takes to keep him happy and not wanting to stray, so be it. So that’s what I think about.”
Jackie, 36, sales manager
4. Open the gates
“I love going down on girls; heck yes! I love it, they love it – I don’t really think about anything other than whether the girl I’m with is enjoying it. All you’ve got to do is make sure you’re both clean and it’s a great thing to be part of.”
Siobhan, 32, charity worker
5. I’ve got the power!
“For me it’s all about having power. We all know men love blowjobs and that women hate giving them – that means I get to decide if they get what they want or not. If I think they’re D-bags, ain’t nothing going near this area.”
Candy, 27, stripper (Okay, I didn’t find Candy on the street – I was curious as to what women in this line of work thought, so I went into a strip club. FYI, at this place, blowjobs aren’t offered.)
6. I do discriminate
“I actually prefer giving oral sex to men rather than women. Guys just have it hanging out so you can just suck without hands, but with the girls you actually have to think about which spot you want to hit for the most impact – and every chick is different; guys just love the fact you’re spending time down there.”
Ashleigh, 26, physiotherapist
7. Edge of glory
“This is going to sound a bit gross, but when I’m doing it I’m just hoping he doesn’t blow in my mouth.”
Rebecca, 33, teacher
8. School of thought
“I used to wonder if I was doing it right, because it would seem to go so much longer than actual sex. But then I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he said he thinks about non-sexual things because I don’t go down on him often and he wants it to last longer.”
Amy, 29, graphic designer
GIFs via giphy.com.
Comment: What are your thoughts on oral? Do you enjoy it, or could you live without it?