Ask Kathy B: How to get over him?
Question: ?My boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me 3 days before our 18 month anniversary. That was 1 month ago and the only thing I ever think about is him. How can I get him back or at least move on and get over him, he was my first love and I’m still desperately in love with him, help me!!?
Kathy B: Oh honey! My heart goes out to you. There?s nothing more soul destroying than still being in love with someone who has broken up with you (and we?ve all been there!). But you have to remember that no matter how perfect you thought you were together he broke it off. Accept that and move on with your life. If you really can?t then you need a dose of excruciatingly painful reality. If he didn?t explain why he broke it off then you can – but only once – make contact with him in a non-confrontational manner to ask him to explain why it ended. You must say that you?re asking him to help you move on, not that you are trying to get him back, (even if that?s secretly what you want). If you?ve already contacted him then somehow find out (but only in a way that will not get back to him) what he?s been up. Perhaps hearing that he hooked up with a sexy blonde at a party (Grrr!) might be just what you need to know, to really be able to move on. Don?t listen to your friends who will think they?re being kind by saying that they?re sure you?ll get back together. They aren?t sure of anything. They?re just saying that to try to make you feel better. You?ve had your mourning period now it is time to get busy. Do not starve yourself or eat three chocolate cakes to try to numb your emotions. Do make sure you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally by eating regular, healthy meals, taking lots of refreshing walks outside and surrounding yourself with supportive pals. If you still need some time to lick your wounds, then have some fun DVD nights in with friends rather than going out, getting drunk and hooking up with a grody guy you?d never normally even talk to, to try to seek ?revenge? on your ex. It?s time to take steps to move on with your life and give yourself some T.L.C. Your ex, family, friends and your future wonderful boyfriend (whoever he may be!) will respect you for it. Keep your chin up and good luck! PS. If you need a good song to cry yourself to sleep over for the next few weeks try listening to Green Day?s Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).
Kathy Buchanan is the author of Charm School: The Modern Girl’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette and Quit for Chicks. Charm School offers fun but helpful advice on why manners are sexy and how to use them to create the life you?ve always dreamed of. It deals with difficult love, social and work situations like how to ace an interview, help a friend through a difficult break-up, handle cheating flat mates, keep your hairdresser faithful and how to not fall in love with gorgeous gay men. Charm School: The Modern Girl’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette Penguin. RRP $24.95 but only $22.46 if you buy from the SheSaid Bookshop
Quit for Chicks is a how to quit smoking support guide for women, with a foreword from supermodel Sarah O?Hare, Penguin, RRP $9.95 but only $8.96 if you buy from the SheSaid Bookshop
If you want Kathy B to answer your relationship dilemmas, email email@example.com with your question.