Ask Kathy B: How to keep in touch with old mates?
Question: ?I was wondering why people say they would keep in touch and they never do. I text friends by sms and they do not reply back and always use an excuse. I give the person a benefit of doubt, but I feel frustrated of chasing them for a reply what can I do??
Kathy B: Sweets it?s time to ask yourself – are these people real pals or are you just wasting your SMS?s? Be honest. Do you having anything in common or do you feel like you have a hole in your life you?re trying to stuff full with whoever happens to be around? Perhaps they?re happy for you to be a casual acquaintance they do group things with and you are trying to push for something more. Actually listen to what they say to you (not what you want to hear) and look back on their past behaviour. If you realize that you?ve been throwing all of your energy into people who you actually don?t ?fit? with or who aren?t responding to you the way a real friend would, then move on and try putting yourself in target rich environments. Just like if you were looking for a boyfriend you might hang out at the local footie club – if you?re looking for great friends, try going somewhere regularly where there are similarly minded people, so you can slowly get to know each other over a matter of months and build a real friendship based on common interests. Perhaps joining an all-female gym, a book club, a swimming club, amateur theatre group, going to a local trivia night or doing a Tafe course in something that interests you might be a good start. Don?t be afraid to be friendly and initiate contact but don?t force people into a quick ?best buds? situation either. The other issue is that if you are the kind of person who means what they say and always follows through it?s hard to understand why some people say ?I?ll call you? and then never do. Boring and pathetic, right?! But instead of letting it upset you bring in my three-strike rule. Only contact someone three times before ceasing contact and waiting for them to initiate things. You may never hear from them again (in which case you?ll know for sure it isn?t worth wasting your precious time on them so just dust yourself off and move on to greener pastures) or you may get a friendly call in a few weeks. Another good trick is to only invite these non-responsive people to group events so if they do let you down, your fun night out won?t be affected.