Breaking An Ex Hex
By Jason Michael, author of The Trouble with Men – Understanding the Male Mind. Published by New Holland, RRP $24.95.
It’s been a couple of weeks since he left you and you’re a complete mess.
You’ve probably even cried a river or two over him. You can’t sleep or eat and
you can’t get him out of your head. You’re clinging to the hope that he will
re-enter your life and give it another shot. Although this way of thinking is
understandable, the truth is, it will only prolong your anguish. The most
effective way to bring proper closure to your heartache is to accept that the
relationship is truly over and move on.
You’re not doing yourself any favours by hoping that he might return
back to your arms. It’s never easy to push aside those feelings of loneliness,
sadness, anger and guilt after a break-up. You feel lonely and sad because
he’s out of your life. You feel angry because he left you. You feel guilty
because you think you could have done more to save the relationship.
These feelings are normal and part of the healing process. There will be
times when you feel nostalgic—but think of all the rotten moments instead
when he didn’t treat you right. Convince yourself that you don’t want that
back and deserve better in your life.
For many women, it’s not unusual to use casual sex as a way to forget
their ex. There may be a flurry of sexual activity followed by periods of
celibacy and perhaps a special steady lover for a while. This is a common
pattern and might be part of the healing process as a woman rebuilds her
If at all possible, quickly sever all ties with your ex. Understandably, if
children are involved this may be difficult to do. Only allow a friendship
with your ex-partner to build when both of you are ready. You need to feel
comfortable being apart first before being friends.
Try to find ways to vent your feelings instead of allowing them to bottle
up inside you. Let it all out with a good bout of crying. Express your hurt
and convey your feelings to a loved one who cares and understands what
you’re going through. You may even want to consider seeking the guidance
of a therapist who can assist you.
Steer clear of the disastrous path of excess substance abuse for a quick
fix. A high dependence on cigarettes, alcohol or drugs will only worsen your
condition. It will make you a slave of your own misery. Remember, the way
you feel is a result of your own state of mind. If you feel good about yourself, this will shine through.
Make a point of enjoying and relishing in the freedom of being independent. Do all the things you want to do, or couldn’t do with him.
Spend more time with friends and family, find fun activities or take up
new hobbies. This helps keep your mind occupied so you’re not constantly
dwelling on negative thoughts.
You need to remind yourself that you are a very special individual. It might be difficult to feel this way right after a break-up but that’s only because you’re temporarily in a depressed state of mind. You need to rebuild your self-esteem. Ask those who care about you to share what they feel are your most appealing qualities. Take note of these and focus on them. Compliments can go a long way to help boost your self-esteem.
Never look upon yourself as a failure. It takes two to make a relationship
work and they mainly fall apart because of the differences between the
people involved. No one is perfect and achieving happiness is a result of
learning from past experiences. A person will never be comfortable nor
find real contentment when they’re still dragging feelings of guilt around
with them. The sooner you convince yourself to move on, the sooner you
will get over him. This will make it easier for you to get over all the hurt
and find solace in the arms of someone new.
Do you stay friends with your ex or do you just move on?