Don’t freeze out your love: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship

There have been rumours that Jessica is jealous of Nick's partying lifestyle
There have been rumours that Jessica is jealous of Nick’s partying lifestyle

Jealousy can be caused by many things. According to Kathy B, relationship expert and author of Charm School: The Modern Girl’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette jealousy sometimes can be quite understandable. ?Does your boyfriend flirt outrageously with other women and often talk about how H.O.T. other women are? If so, he’s probably either trying to make you jealous because he gets a kick out of making you feel uncomfortable (nice guy!) or let?s face it, maybe he’s just not that into you.? Ania, 23, agrees. ?I?d been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and we?d agree to see each other exclusively but every time we went out together, he?d flirt incessantly with other girls. I got sick of it and dumped him. A few months later he started dating this other girl I knew. I saw them out together last year: he was totally devoted to her and barely looked at another girl.?

But what if he?s the jealous one? Anne-Marie had been dating Jeff for about 4 weeks when she went on a girly weekend away. ?He called me about 4 times in the first night. I thought it was quite sweet but by the end of the weekend it was driving me nuts.? Anne-Marie finally realised Jeff was worried she was going to meet someone else. According to Dr Sabina Dosani and Peter Cross, authors of Re-energise Your Relationship, jealousy is usually just an indication of a deeply insecure person. ?Once you understand that their possessiveness isn?t a sign of your desirability but comes from a need to be loved and to control, you can tame the feral green eyed monster?.

So how do you control that green eyed monster? Kathy B says if your partner is the jealous one, it?s important for them to realise they have nothing to be jealous of. ?If you see him looking worried when you are out together and there are other men around then make sure they and your boyfriend know that he’s the only one for you. Hold his hand and give it an affectionate squeeze or give him a big kiss.? But what if there is nothing to be worried about? You?re a totally devoted girlfriend and he?s getting jealous of things which simply aren?t there. Kathy B says it?s then time to have a chat with him. ?Tell him you are you glad he cares about you and that you know he’d never do anything to hurt you. Then say that you care deeply about him and you’d never do anything to hurt him, including going off with another man.?

If you?re the one with the fear, decide if your partner is giving you a legitimate reason to be jealous or whether it?s your insecurities that are clouding your judgment. Kathy B says it?s time to be honest with yourself. ?It’s time to face up to what is really going on. Have you always felt inferior but you’ve tried to cover it up and your insecurity is rearing its ugly head in the form of jealousy? It may be time to see a counsellor, do some reading or take some time out. Above all you must speak to your partner about it. Get your facts straight before you ruin a perfectly good relationship.? Remember, it?s you he?s chosen to be with, not any other girl.

You can even turn jealousy around to be a benefit to a relationship. Dr Sabina Dosani and Peter Cross say ?window shopping? is natural and most of us are discreet enough to not get caught. ?If you and your partner can agree on a look but don?t touch rule, there isn?t any need to feel threatened. If you can go one further and point out other people your partner will probably fancy? the green-eyed monster will turn into a green-eyed house pet.? According to Kathy B, the other good side about jealousy is ?knowing that other women find your guy attractive, can make him even more attractive to you. Just as long as you know he’d never do anything to hurt you or betray your trust.? Amen to that.

By Bliss Baker