If you’ve entered into a friends with benefits relationship with someone you have feelings for be prepared for some heartache. Maybe you’ve settled for this because the other party isn’t ready or prepared to commit or they have no idea how you feel. Either way, you’ll need to take some risks. And the only way to move forward to the type of relationship you want is to make it happen.
The first thing to do is talk to them about having a relationship and express how you feel. Yes you will feel vulnerable, but unfortunately that’s exactly what love and relationships are all about. They will likely express to you they don’t want more. They’ve been getting their needs met and really don’t need nor want the situation to change. If you do, you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result. You’re going to need to change it.
Now don’t despair – all hope isn’t lost, because often what people say is different to how they feel. If they do have feelings for you something may be preventing them from taking that leap from friends with benefits to an intimate relationship.
If you want that relationship you‘re going to have to stop the intimacy and benefits. Sorry. This will cut off meeting their needs and put you on an equal playing field. For them to get sex you need the relationship. It does sound like a game of strategy doesn’t it? It is. If you’re dealing with a player you need to know how to play the game!
Next put yourself exclusively on the singles market. Don’t settle for a friends with benefits scenario if you really want a partner. Go out with the intention of moving forward. You’ll need to be in the mindset that the person you’ve been sleeping with doesn’t want any more than that.
Now this next part is key. Ultimately this is how and when you will find out exactly how the other person feels. Actions speak way louder than words. So if they really do want you, this is when they will realise they’re about to loose you. Hold off on sex until you really know what their intention is. Also, be aware that it might take them a while to realise that things have changed.
If there’s any hope for a relationship this is when they will need to make their move. If something has been preventing them from taking the relationship to the next level, this will entice them to reevaluate their situation. And if they want you they will make the effort.
On the other hand, if a relationship really isn’t what they want, they won’t make any effort to change the situation. They’ll move on and you won’t be friends with benefits any longer. They might try to initiate the relationship you previously had, but you need to stay strong. Don’t settle for the friends with benefits scenario they are comfortable with. If you feel manipulated into having sex without the relationship you crave, it’s time to walk away – you’ll never get what you want if you retain this relationship. So time to pull out the tissues, because it’s going to hurt.
Lastly, the only time a friends with benefits relationship really works is if people can have sex without any emotional attachment forming. If it’s purely physical the relationship can go on successfully for years. It’s when emotions enter the equation that things get messy. It doesn’t mean the relationship can’t evolve, but sometimes it is what it is. If you want more, you are the only person who can make it happen. Don’t settle if you’re not completely satisfied with the arrangement.