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Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle newsletter Goop has released its annual Christmas gift guide, and in keeping with tradition, it’s just as loopy as previous years’.

“I am overwhelmed and a disaster,” Paltrow shares before listing her favourite things. “So our gift guide comes at just the right time, at least for me. We have included some old favourites and some new finds, all of which will make Father Christmas proud.”

A very, very rich Father Christmas, that is.

And sure, what do you get the woman that has everything (she even has Beyonce as a BFF)? But, come on, no one in their right mind is gifting half these things, unless they have more money (and space in their house to dump it all) than brains.

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Paltrow gushes over a limited edition neon slingshot that comes in at $130.

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Candles make a great gift, but Gwynie thinks you need this $530 Fornasetti candle. There’s just nothing that could justify a $530 candle.

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Under the section Knick Knacks, a Malle W. Trousseau Kitchen Set that’s only $6,230. Yep, that’s right.

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We think these Olivia Von Halle Lila Alexa Monogrammed Pajamas are pretty and all, but at $570 plus $20 for each monogrammed letter, we’ll be getting our PJs somewhere else…

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What Christmas gift guide comes without a useless dust collector or two, and we think these flashing Vegaz letters would make a fun gift, especially for a teenage girl, until we saw the price. They start at $550 and go up to $684. Whoa, Nelly.

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And, of course, her own cookbooks – signed! – for $59 each.

Her children Apple, nine, and Moses, seven, also have a say on what they would love to find under the Christmas tree, and luckily, it’s a lot less precious. Apple opts for a Kipling backpack on wheels and an iPod, while Moses wants to follow in daddy’s footsteps by asking for an acoustic guitar, and adorably, a hamster.

OK fess up, what would you really love for Christmas?