HeSaid SheSaid: I feel like his mother!
Not as Clueless as Cher..I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we moved in together a year ago and ever since our relationship has died, we have stopped being young and have turned very dull. I sort of feel like the second I moved in with him I stopped being his girlfriend and become his mother. My boyfriend says he still feels the same as he always did but I don’t feel much at all but
I do still love him very much. I guess I am scared that these feelings are a sign that im not suppose to be with him. How do i know?
HeSaid: Dear Clueless,
You pick up after him too don’t you?
I think you said it when you mentioned that you “became his Mother”. Most of us men don’t want to sleep with our Mothers. You need to stop this cycle. He only thinks he still feels love because inside his head he’s living with Mum.
If made too comfortable most of us men will atrophy to a point where the only calories we will burn will be yelling “chuck us the remote would ya luv”. We men are like dogs. We are simple creatures that are great for protection and loyalty but we need house training for our own sakes.
Here’s what I suggest… Don’t pick up his underwear or return his tea cup to the sink for a month. If he wants intimate relations tell him to seduce you the way he did before you moved in – unless, of course, this involved simply plying you full of booze until you were totally compliant.
Casually mention that you think one or two of his friends have nice pecs or biceps or that you are impressed with how one of their careers is going. Start dressing and acting as though you are available everyday – even if you are just going to the shops. If you bump into one of his friends in the street casually remove a piece of lint from his shoulder as though it were your own shirt. If your man loves you this should produce a small blue vein above his temple.
If this doesn’t work I think it’s time to declare “dead man walking”
SheSaid: Dear Clueless,
Have you really sat down and thought why you feel this way? What is it about your daily life living with your boyfriend that makes you feel like you have become his mother? Are you allowing yourself to feel like his mother? Do you love your boyfriend or are you in love with your boyfriend. They are two very different things.
Maybe it’s time to take a step back and see what it is that makes you feel this way. In many cases couples do fall into a bit of an ‘old married couple’ scenario. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn’t realize that the romance has been waning because he’s comfortable with this life. Ruts are very easy to get into and generally we don’t realize we’re in them until a long time after.
If you really want to test the waters and work out your feelings for your boyfriend, you or him may have to move out for a few weeks. Sometimes the only way to miss what you’ve got is to go without for a while. It’s hard to approach a partner and tell him your feelings may not be the same as they once were and perhaps you need a break, but if it’s for the greater good of the relationship, it may just be the only thing you can do to work out what’s right. Best find out now where the relationship stands than after you?ve walked down the aisle.
Got a question for our He Said She Said columnists? Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your problem.