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HeSaid SheSaid: Is it ok that my boyfriend’s a closet porn watcher?

Question: My boyfriend has always been a porn fan and has lots of it on his computer. I don’t like porn and am offended by its presence in our relationship. My last boyfriend was totally addicted to it and was abusive towards me by telling me that the porn stars were better looking and he would rather be screwing them than me or he would say that he pictures them when he’s with me. My current boyfriend is discreet about it and that’s fine, but I am the type of person where if I think that something is up, I am going to snoop. I went into his email and found a email to one of his friends with this porn star pic attached and it said “Hey dude, look at the woman I am screwing now.” to which his friend replyed with “You’re such a liar.” My boyfriend said, “I know, I had a dream about her and thought if I emailed this to u it would come true.” I am very upset about this. I will be leaving in a few weeks to go visit my father on the other side of the country for a month or so. I have lost all trust that I had with him and don’t know what to do without telling him that i snooped. I realise that when you snoop, you may not like what you find. I dont know how to behave. I kinda want to just ignore it and go on like before but it’s always in the back of my mind as it’s what my last boyfriend did. I can’t get past it. It’s like it’s happening again only this time it’s not in my face.


HeSaid: Men like porn – that’s all there is to it really. Men who don’t like porn are gay. They are also lying – they are just more meticulous at hiding their gay porn. Male sexuality is very visual. It is also nothing to do with our feelings of love. We all want to see what Debbie does in Dallas, but most of us don’t want to meet Debbie. If our sexuality was connected to our real desires the only way a girl could get married would be to work in a strip joint. Don’t worry about the comments that you boyfriend is making. Believe it or not they have no bearing on your relationship or how he feels about you. If you fulfilled all of his sexual fantasies he would have no respect for you an certainly wouldn’t stay with you. Best not to try and understand – it’s just the way it is. Sounds like your previous boyfriend was a jerk – don’t confuse him with your current boyfriend who is just acting like a typical man. We men know we are disgusting. In fact we have no idea how women put up with us.


SheSaid: Firstly you were right to leave your last boyfriend, you absolutely don?t need to be put down or compared to someone else whether it?s a porn star or another girl walking down the street. He sounds like an immature twat. The fact is pretty much all guys look at porn – and they do make remarks about it or show it to their friends. I understand that because of your last boyfriend, these comments made by your current boyfriend cut a little deep as you thought you got away from that behaviour. I wouldn?t however put your boyfriend in the same category as the old one. Seriously, it?s just what guys do. Believe me, us chicks are also pretty good at drooling over a hot guy and making lewd comments about him to our friends. However, if your boyfriend starts making comments about it to you, then it?s time to give him the heave ho. You need to stop snooping through your boyfriend?s things; I?m sure you wouldn?t like him reading your private emails or a diary. You?ll never have trust for a boyfriend if you feel the need to want to go through his stuff and find ?ammunition?, the only thing you will achieve doing this is to make yourself a paranoid and untrusting person.

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