orgasm, orgasms, Women's orgasms, how to orgasm, orgasm tips, Women's sexuality, sex, better sex, great sex, sex advice

Women often have sex without an orgasm – instead they enjoy the closeness, being touched and the experience of initial penetration. Regardless of how good this may feel, these things don’t come close to the enjoyment of the big O. Plus non-orgasmic sex essentially misses the chemical release associated with an orgasm, which can often leave women feeling frustrated.

While many women think this is totally normal and just put up with it, it really doesn’t need to be this way. Women can and should reach a point where they can orgasm every time. With a little self-discovery and self-reflection, this article will explain how it can be done. And it’s not one particular thing women can do, but several things combined.

RELATED: The Case Of The Missing Orgasm

What’s stopping you?

Firstly, women need to figure out what’s preventing their orgasm: Is it because their lover finishes, are they distracted, is their mind wandering off, are they concerned about how they look, do they know how to orgasm or could it be a medical or psychological issue? Whatever the cause things can be rectified so satisfying orgasmic sex is had every time.

Get your partner to slow down

Another publication I read recommended speeding up the process of a female orgasm. Why? It’s not a damn race to an imaginary orgasmic finish line! Men who ejaculate quickly can learn to hold off and wait for their partner to climax with a little practice. Plus there are medications available which help.

The best way to get your lover to slow down is to communicate. Tell them that you need more foreplay and hold off intercourse until you are ready. Foreplay prepares the body for orgasm. So if you are one of those poor souls missing out, you need to reflect on the foreplay you’re not having. If you are engaging in intercourse before you’re ready, there’s no way your body will achieve it.


People aren’t mind readers, so you need to tell your lover what works for you. If you like to have your ear nibbled on, tell them. Don’t assume that because you do it to them that they will get the hint. Be directive. But not like a school teacher – unless that’s what they like. Be seductive in the way that you let them know what gets your juices flowing.

Be in the moment

Researchers call the brain the largest sex organ for a reason. If your mind wanders off and you find yourself thinking about anything other than what’s happening between you and your lover, your chance of orgasm drastically reduces. Instead, use your brain to help you orgasm. Fantasise while having sex – the dirtier the better really.

Don’t feel embarrassed about your fantasies either. Your brain is a private oasis. Besides, if you did tell your partner what it is your thinking, they’d secretly love it (unless it’s about someone else). This is also how men can hold off ejaculation. They can concentrate on something other than sex and this reduces their potential to climax. Some people have a go-to thought that either helps or hinders the situation.

Be in charge of your orgasm

Loads of people believe it’s their lover’s job to make them climax. That’s rubbish! We all need to take responsibility and take charge of our own orgasms. Work out what turns you on and what doesn’t and discover what positions work for you. Women who have masturbated are more likely to orgasm because one, they know they can do it; and two, they know how it’s done. Either figure it out with your lover or by yourself.

If by some chance you can’t reach orgasm through masturbation or intercourse, you may have a condition which is preventing it. Female orgasmic dysfunction isn’t uncommon for women to experience, but if you think you may be suffering, head to a GP who can then refer you to a specialist. It may be physical or psychological but professionals can work with you to achieve the type of sexual satisfaction you deserve.

Use sex toys

Sex toys can really help women orgasm. So find one which will help you and use it on your own or with your lover (they are still called marital aids for a reason). There are always new ones on the market and some can improve the experience of intercourse substantially for both of you.

Reduce distractions

It’s totally understandable that women can’t reach orgasm when they are distracted by external forces such as babies waking up. If this is the problem initially, sort out some distraction free time. It might be getting the bub looked after, spending the night in a hotel or some other method of removing the distraction.

To orgasm every time, gradually increase exposure to the distraction and work toward achieving orgasm when it’s there. It can be done, and after a time the distraction won’t have a negative effect. This is called exposure therapy and psychologists use it successfully all the time.

Self-pressure on appearance or orgasm

If self-pressure on appearance is an issue, rest assured it will be the furthest thing from your lover’s mind. They want you – all of you! It may pay to work on your body image out of the bedroom to stop it affecting you in the bedroom.

If pressure to orgasm is the problem, you need to relax. Be in the now, fantasise and most importantly don’t try so hard. Experience the sensation of touch and enjoy it. Let your mind wander from the pressure to the pleasure you are experiencing. Another way to reduce the pressure is to start with longer love-making sessions that involve erotic massage. This will relax the body and encourage you to orgasm naturally.

Anticipate pleasure and orgasm

Finally, when most men have sex they anticipate pleasure and orgasm. They enjoy the experience for what it is and allow themselves to be completely engulfed in it. Most are not thinking about having to go to work and they certainly aren’t distracted by babies in the next room. Instead, they are in the here and now wanting their lover and looking forward to the experience of an orgasm. If women follow their lead, they should be able to reach a stage when they too can orgasm every time.

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