Why I Became A Feminist Porn Director

I’ve always had a dirty mind.

I was drawn to porn after I broke up with my long-term boyfriend.

It left me feeling there must be something more to sex, but I just couldn’t see it. I wanted to go wild, explore and have fun, but I came to the conclusion I didn’t know anything about myself or about my tastes.

I’d always experienced sex as a gift to the other person – I was supposed to please men, to be available to them. Saying no would make me feel very guilty and I was extremely self-conscious about my own body. And that’s the great thing about what I do now with feminist porn – although there’s such a big taboo about being a sex worker, we each own our body and we can choose to do whatever we want with it.

Feminist porn is different to normal porn. It’s about women taking control of their sexuality, having an equal voice and being entitled to enjoy and explore themselves without being called names or looked down upon. And that translates to good working conditions, fair and equal pay, and making sure all the actors and actresses are not doing anything they don’t want to do.

Feminist porn is about portraying the performers as human beings, not objects. It’s also about pleasure, about women actually enjoying themselves and giving their own points of view. The idea is also to feature female characters who are not ashamed of having sex; showcasing modern women who do what they want. Basically it’s about getting rid of gender stereotypes and sexual taboos that are toxic to our society.

When I decided to work in porn, I knew I had to throw myself into it 100 per cent. I wanted to make a film that was totally transparent and honest, and I knew I could only achieve it by putting myself in front of the camera. I was very nervous my first time as a performer, but after I stripped naked and the camera was pointing at me, I couldn’t hide anymore. I couldn’t try to hide my love handles, my cellulite, my little flaws, so I basically got rid of my insecurities and fears. It was a beautiful moment.

I chose to have my first time with a woman as a performer because even I didn’t know how I was going to react. That’s what I love about porn: you never quite know what’s going to happen, and it’s magical to witness a connection being born. I also wanted to put myself in the shoes of my performers so I could become a better director.

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I never saw porn as a career option; I actually wanted to be a veterinarian when I was younger. But I always had a dirty mind, often imagining sexual scenarios in my head, and I never knew I could use that side of me for work until about three years ago. Deciding to study web design was actually the first step into my own emancipation. I used to build websites and blogs, but once they were finished I never had anything to say on them. To combat that, I decided to create welovegoodsex.com.

I wanted to make something about sex but I thought, like all my other projects, I would forget about it after a couple of weeks. But I didn’t. Instead I wrote on it every day for about two years, and one thing slowly lead to another, giving me the chance to make my first movie for fun. Thanks to the website I found my voice, saw I could run my own business and made the decision to quit my job as a web designer to focus on porn.

Both my family and friends now know what I do. My friends are very supportive, though some of them are still a bit shy about it. My family is another story. For them it was okay as long as I was only writing about sex; directing didn’t make them too happy and performing was kind of the last straw. They see it makes me happy but they can’t understand why. For them it’s dirty. They see porn as this huge industry that takes advantage of women, which it is most of the time, and have trouble seeing me as an independent woman doing her own thing. Having said that, my grandmother is a feminist, so she actually encouraged me to continue, even if she thinks it’s a bit weird.

When people used to ask me what I did for a living, I used to tell them, but now I assess the situation and the person who’s asking. It’s a popular topic and it often hijacks the conversation. There are lots of questions, which is great, but I don’t always feel like answering all their doubts and concerns, particularly when I’m talking to guys (it can give them ideas and often change their perception of me).

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I think the reaction is so strong because porn has such a long-standing reputation as being dirty and shameful but also degrading to women. For me, though, porn is just sex on camera – that’s it. Expressing myself by making my own porn not only helps me enjoy my sexuality, it also helps women see that it’s okay for them to screw and to like it, that they don’t have to put men’s pleasure first, and that their own desires are as just as important. It’s the way porn has been produced over the past few decades that needs to change.

Unfortunately, I think most people who work in the industry do so for money, and that’s why there’s so much crappy content. Porn was actually quite fun and artistic back in the 70s, but then some macho guys thought ‘Let’s be billionaires!’ and now we’re left with porn that is a parody of itself.

Since porn became an ‘industry’, many women have become victims and been treated miserably. In our society, women are seen as objects of pleasure, so a lot of shady mainstream porn companies have treated us as such. A lot of women are exploited and their own pleasure was never part of the deal. There’s a lot of abuse – for example, some male directors order actresses to suck them off before a shoot, and some aren’t honest with what’s going to happen in the scene – and consent is often not taken into account.

The fact I’m working in such a male-dominated industry has always motivated me. Thankfully I’m in a part of the business that has little ties to the mainstream porn world, so I can just do my own thing. I noticed all the flaws in the industry and it’s been very personally rewarding to fight against them.

The feedback I receive on my films is very positive from both men and women. Most viewers are relieved to find content that’s fresh and honest; my films don’t make their insecurities stronger, they do the opposite. They show that everybody can have fun, whatever their body shape or dick size.

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Conventional porn has created unnatural codes and chronologies that are toxic for both genders. I think people can identify to the characters in my films and see them as something positive, instead of something they should be ashamed of viewing. Women in particular love the authenticity of my films and love seeing them being treated and portrayed as equals.

The best compliment I’ve received about my work was from a man who wrote to tell me my movies had helped rekindle the passion with his wife. They’d been watching all my movies together in an attempt to find the spark again, and he said it brought them closer than ever. It’s messages like that that make my job so rewarding. I still have a million ideas, so this is only the beginning.

There’s still such a lot of stigma about being a sex worker, but we each own our body and we should be able to choose to do whatever we want with it without judgment. I have worked with several mainstream porn actresses who came to me specifically because they were tired of being used as objects – but it doesn’t have to be this way. Thanks to feminist porn, women can now choose to have sex for themselves because they like it, just like other people choose to work in marketing, teaching or accounting.

Some people from highschool have asked me why I’m in this industry. They say things like “How could you do this?” and “I thought you had good grades in school – what happened to you?”. I think it’s quite sad people are still having this kind of reaction. It’s empowering to find your sexual self and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Sex, for me, is anything that’s passionate and spontaneous. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a man or a woman, as long as you’re truly enjoying yourself while doing it. I invite everyone to think about what good sex is for them.

Images via welovegoodsex.com.

Comment: Have you ever thought about getting into the porn industry? What’s stopping you?