I’m Sick Of Being Slut-Shamed Just Because I Like Sex

I’m a living, breathing, feeling woman. Not a robot.

I’ll gladly raise my hand and admit I enjoy having sex. I just wish people would stop slut-shaming me for it.

I love how sex makes me feel, and I love trying new things with someone I like. Sex isn’t just an exploration of my body or someone else’s, it’s an act of mindfulness where I’m able to relax, release and completely surrender to the moment. I’m lucky I’ve had only amazing sexual experiences in my life, and maybe that’s why I feel so comfortable talking about it; though sometimes I think it’d be easier if I didn’t.

I’ve witnessed firsthand the stigma society attaches to a woman when she admits to liking having sex. Men are high-fived and applauded for their number and women who adopt the same approach are deemed ‘easy’ or ‘not girlfriend material’, even though we’re all biologically programmed to want to have sex.

From the judgemental glance I get when buying condoms, to the seemingly innocent remark a friend inevitably makes when they find out how early I slept with someone I was dating; I deal with being slut-shamed more than I should.

Writing about sex and dating has made me feel the most comfortable I’ve ever been with my sexuality, but it’s also something not everyone approves of.

Recently, a situation highlighted just how close-minded some people are when it comes to women who own the fact they like sex. I was seeking the advice of some close girlfriends after sleeping with a handsome stranger. I opened up about how we’d talked for hours on the phone, gone out to dinner, then, after a few wines and some sexy conversation, gave in to desires and had an adult sleepover, and how, after that, I hadn’t really heard from him again, which bummed me out a little, so I wanted some feedback on how I should play the situation out.

Instead of offering advice, friends turned their nose up at the fact I’d slept with someone on the first date, going on to inform me how men don’t respect someone who gives sex to them easily, along with many other gems out of the how-to book of keeping your misogynistic man happy.

In the past, I’ve been given helpful ‘suggestions’ of toning it down when friends find out how sexually adventurous I’ve been with ex-partners; like keeping our sex limited to vanilla until I worked out if he actually liked me. I’ve also been told I shouldn’t talk up and voice my desires in the bedroom too early on, as it may lead to the assumption I’ve slept with a lot of men, which is obviously only okay when the situation is reversed.

Society makes sex out as an activity that only men can enjoy. Women, on the other hand, should just keep quiet and pray no one finds out our ‘dreaded number’ for fear we’ll never find a boyfriend, because, how can he respect you if you’ve slept with more than five people?

Are we living in a 1950s time warp?! Everyone should be able to talk openly and freely about sex without fear of shaming or judgement, regardless of our gender or our sexual preferences. We need to stop treating women who freely admit to enjoying one-night-stands as weird scientific specimens to be ogled at. In the year 2016, we should know by now that repressing our sexual desires – or any part of ourselves, for that matter – for the sake of what someone else thinks of us, does more harm than good.

Despite being slut-shamed, I’ll still admit to loving sex and comfortably talk about how important good sex is for me in a relationship. I’ll continue to be open about my sexual desires with new partners too, knowing if they judge me for them, they’re clearly not the person for me.

I’m not a slut or any other negative name you wish to label me with, I just like sex and I’m not afraid to own that.

Comment: Do you agree women who are open about enjoying sex are treated differently to men?