Part 2: Bad Boys – How to break that bad boyfriend syndrome

Last week, Kathy B looked at why we girls always go for the bad boy even when we know it’s bad for us. This week, find out how to break the Bad Boyfriend (BB) cycle.

1. Enlarge his ugliest photo
Get hold of a particularly unpleasant photo and enlarge it into an A3 poster size of your BB. Stick up copies around the house – by your bed, the phone and in your diary. Write under it in bold the worst thing he ever said to you and read it every day.

2. Ask your friends what they really think
Force them to be brutally honest and you?ll soon discover the dirt on your BB. Also, find out what a good relationship can be like by spending time with loving couples.

3. Does he love his mother?
Ask him about his mother. Men who like their mothers are more likely to treat girlfriends well. If a man is disrespectful of his mother he?ll probably treat you the same way eventually. It is important to be with a man who loves women.

4. List his bad points
Write a list of his hurtful character traits and the awful things he did to you. Read it every day to reinforce why you want him out of your life. Where there is distance between you it is easy to remember his lovely blue eyes but forget that he?s spiteful and cheap.

5. Don?t make him forbidden fruit
Whatever you do – do not tell yourself you can?t see him. The secret is to create a different set of goals. Think about what you really want from a boyfriend. Do you want someone to talk about your feelings with? Cuddling? Making love or swinging from the chandeliers sex? If your man isn?t providing you with what you want it is time to move on and make yourself available to someone who can give you what you need and make you happy.

6. Don?t drink and dial
Times can get desperate when you?ve had a few drinks. To safeguard against calling him at your weakest ebb (after one champagne too many on a friday night) delete his number from your mobile, throw away his contact details and tell your friends to forcibly restrain you if you ever try to call him again.

7. Imagine he?s impotent
Sex is usually the main obsession in the case of a BB love affair, well if you can call it that. He treats you badly but uses sex like a drug to keep you hooked. If he couldn?t offer you a good roll in the hay, would you still be interested in him? If not, you are probably talking sexual addiction, not true love.

8. Take your mind off him
Build up other areas of your life. See old friends, go on a singles holiday, learn how to belly dance, get pampered at a beauty parlour, do wild things and surround yourself with people who make you feel loved. Ask yourself, ?what can i do so i will experience love and value myself more?? whatever it is, do it!

9. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Does he treat you with the respect you deserve? If not, why are you with him? If he isn?t treating you right, remember that there are other men out there who will. In fact hundreds of them. Get out there and start looking.

10. Time for a break
If you really can?t bear the thought of being without him, try this make or break technique. Go away on holiday together and monitor how well you get on. You?ll soon find out what he?s really made of.

Kathy Buchanan is the author of Charm School: The Modern Girl’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette and Quit for Chicks. Charm School offers fun but helpful advice on why manners are sexy and how to use them to create the life you?ve always dreamed of. It deals with difficult love, social and work situations like how to ace an interview, help a friend through a difficult break-up, handle cheating flat mates, keep your hairdresser faithful and how to not fall in love with gorgeous gay men. Charm School: The Modern Girl’s Complete Handbook of Etiquette Penguin. RRP $24.95 but only $22.46 if you buy from the SheSaid Bookshop