Quitting Sugar Turned Me Into A Bitch

Secret’s out, sugar’s bad. But what they failed to include in the memo is how hard quitting would be.

Before I go on any further, I feel that I should warn you; this story doesn’t have a happy ending.

I’m still not sugar-free and ‘healthy’ is not a word that aligns particularly well with my current state of being. However, I feel I’ll proceed in my next ditch-the-sugar attempt more acquainted with the amount of gladiator-like grit required to get through.

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With a Dairy Milk habit that would rival most meth addicts, I only wish I’d taken a couple of weeks to have someone supervise me at ALL times before I took the plunge the first time. Because I turned into a possessed person thinking about my next fix. And considering my Dairy Milk dealer was a mere two-minute walk down the road, my willpower faltered more times than I’d care to admit.

My experiences trying to curb my sweet tooth haven’t been pleasant. I never fully understood the notion, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” until I tried to kick sugar from my diet.

The cravings were out of control. As was the lethargy. Obviously, sugar had become the go-to energy source for my body, so without it, an emergency switch of some sort had been pulled.

Mmmm... sweet, sweet Dairy Milk...

Mmmm… sweet, sweet Dairy Milk…

For the first few days I woke up foggy and fluey, and at the end of the day I went to bed even more foggy and fluey. My head ached, my body ached – I even perspired, or rather, had the night-sweats, for a good four or five days.

I was a moodier, energy-deprived shadow of my former self and I hated everyone who dared to flaunt their sugary freedom in my face. In short, I became I walking, talking chocolate-seeker who snapped at anyone who so much as breathed my way.

I wish I could say I lasted the distance, that I stuck it out and became a better person because of it. But I didn’t.

Two weeks was the longest I could endure before I fell face first into a chocolate cake the size of my head and awoke several hours later covered in crumbs, rocking in the foetal position nursing a food baby the size of a football.

You see, another thing no one tells you about leading a sugar-free existence is it’s really only suited to social recluses.

If you’re one of the rest of the population who mingle over food, celebrate over food, and bond over food and don’t have a penchant for self-torture, quitting sugar will likely turn you into a hateful human being.

Let me be clear; I’m not a princess – and I am extremely grateful I even have the option to choose what I put in my mouth. But at the same time I don’t feel I’ve had the option of choosing what I put in my mouth because up until recently, I was under the impression that the ‘healthy’ foods I was choosing to eat, were in fact healthy, not laden with hidden sugars that clogged up my arteries and toxified my body.

But the experience hasn’t beaten me. I vow that one day I will indeed conquer sugar. But for now, pass me the Dairy Milk.

Images via Daily Mail and telegraph.co.uk.