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Relationship advice: we moved away together and now nothing is the same.

Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years after moving out of home to go to tafe in another town. Since getting together with my boyfriend, we’ve broken up once in the first 2 months then got back together, I’ve quit tafe and then went back to do another course only not to finish that either. He’s at uni at the moment and i’m working a casual job.

The problem is i haven’t made many friends where i am and I’m not near any of my family. I often get stressed about money and upset about be so far away from my family and friends. He is failing uni and it is putting a toll on me and our relationship. I do love him but i just don’t know what to do because I want us to be able to have no money troubles and for us to have the same relationship as we used to. I’ve also put on weight that my parents have also commented I just don’t feel good about it.

Everything has changed: the way we communicate to each other, treat each other as well as our sex life. We hardly go out anymore and have no spark left. What do you suggest I do because I do love him and I want to be able to have a happy future with him. He’s a nice and caring bloke who cares and loves me also.

Sincerely,
Help

Answer: I see a couple of things that need addressing here and I think it might call for some radical changes for both of you. I would suggest you take time to have one of those life altering conversations where you talk about your dreams, goals and expectations. Does your boyfriend plan to stay at uni? Do you plan to start another course or are you hoping to drift into some career? You are like a boat without a rudder, you have no direction and I think this is the root of the problems you are experiencing. Would it make sense for you and your boyfriend to move back to where your family and friends are? Moving away from close friends and family is difficult; some people cope, especially if the reason they moved in the first place is compelling enough to hold their attention. In your case, it would appear that there is no reason for you being where you are if it is making you unhappy. The course you left home for didn?t work out, you haven?t found any meaningful employment and it sounds like you are totally unmotivated. The money worries you mention will always be a part of your life while one or both of you are students so either get out and get a full time job that pays you enough to live on or make the concessions necessary to be a student. Make some plans and get motivated. Your relationship is a reflection of everything else in your life. Start looking at what will motivate you with or without your boyfriend. You can?t be responsible for what he does or how he feels so once you?ve had the D&M with him and know where he is heading, you?ll know if you are moving in the same direction.

By Michelle Lewis


Michelle has been one of Australia’s leading matchmakers and as a relationship expert is the founder of Date Doctors.

Her first book is The Street Guide for Flirting. We all notice that guy or girl who effortlessly breezes into a room and immediately attracts the attention of every individual there. And they’re not necessarily the best looking, wealthiest or smartest in the crowd. So what’s the secret? This guide shows you how to be the most fabulous flirt.

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