Sex Sent These Couples To The ER

You can’t make this shit up.

If you’ve never watched Sex Sent Me To The ER, you have A LOT to catch up on.

Once you get past the low-budget aspects (the bad acting in the re-enactments is actually laughable!), it’s one of the best comedies on television right now.

When chatting to Entertainment Weekly recently, the show’s executive producer Michael Branton had this advice: “Don’t put a glow stick in your vagina. Don’t put your penis into a running vacuum cleaner hose. Don’t put your penis in a doorknob hole on a door to impress your wife. Don’t put a yam in your vagina thinking that it will block pregnancy because you read it on the internet.”

Great pointers – but, going by the intelligence (or lack thereof) of some people, we have a feeling the show will have enough stories to go well beyond its fourth season.

Here are our fave tales from the series…

Hunka-hunka burnin’ love

michael & josi sex er

Michael was a self-confessed “straight shooter” until Josi opened his world up to new sexual horizons. The words “report for duty, my soldier of love” are actually spoken. Eek!

Anyway, one day Michael bought a five-pound gummy bear as a gift for Josi – who, in all her wisdom, decided “You know what’d be hot? Let’s eat this gummy off me. Oh, let’s MELT it and eat it off me.”

So Michael tied her to the bed, chopped off the bear’s head and melted it in the microwave.

When he poured it all over her chest, Josi was moaning about how good it felt, comparing it to candle wax and thinking it would cool down – but it didn’t. It ended up burning her skin off (read: she was left with third-degree burns).

Lesson: Sugar retains heat. If using food in the bedroom is a turn-on for you, do a patch-test first.

(Almost) dead meat

mike and ruth sex er

Mike was working late at a meat locker, so his horny AF wife, Ruth, decided to surprise him. She was kitted out with a corset underneath her coat and had one thing on her mind: “All I could think about is ‘I need to find a place without a camera, so I can have sex with my husband’.”

Since the only zone that didn’t have a camera was the freezer full of hanging carcasses, they went there. Things got hot and steamy – she was riding him through the hole in his pants and gripping chains to give herself leverage – then his foot slipped and his head became impaled on a meat hook. Ouch!

Lesson: We’re not going to put ‘fucking in a meat freezer’ on the list of things that should be banned in the bedroom. But if this is a fantasy of yours, maybe lay down a rug and just go missionary.

Hey there, big boy!

erik katie sex er

Erik was doing some handyman repairs around the home, and when he looked at the new doorknob hole he’d just made, he had “an amazing idea”. Then his sexually energetic wife, Katie, looked up and noticed “something real crazy was happening”. They proceeded to have sex with the door between them, and everything was going great… until it wasn’t. 

Erik’s cock grew so much – thanks to the male-enhancement pill he’d taken earlier that day AND right before he poked his dick through the hole – that his member got stuck there. In fact, it swelled so much that it turned purple.

Lesson: When self-medicating, don’t overdose – dosage rules are there for a reason.

Images via youtube.com.

Comment: Has sex ever sent YOU to the ER? Tell us about it.