Should You Tell Your Partner Your Number?

To be or not to be…or in this modern age, to share or not to share? That is the question.

On one hand, you’re dying to know about your partner’s history. Who did they date? How long for? And the biggest question of all – how many people have they slept with?

On the other hand, isn’t the past the past? Why is it relevant to either of you?

Most relationship experts believe that wanting to know the number of people your partner has slept with is a sign of insecurity. By concerning yourself with your partner’s sexual history, you’re focusing on something you can’t control, and it can eat you up. Suddenly you’re dealing with feelings of jealousy and bitterness. And even if you don’t mean to, you end up judging them.

However some argue that it’s important to know your partner’s number, as having a high number yourself while your partner has a low number, or vice versa, shows that you have different values. Some marriage counsellors also advocate not having any secrets, with full disclosure of your past the basis for a strong and open relationship.

Think about your own sexual history. It’s your business, and hopefully you’re comfortable with it. Is there any need for your partner to know your number? How would you feel if they ended up judging you and your past?

One thing is clear: whatever the number, it’s never good. Too little and you start questioning your partner’s attractiveness. Too high and it’s easy to cast aspersions that they’ve been promiscuous. And if that’s the case, isn’t it a step away from wondering if they’ll always be slutty? Bottom line: there’s never a right number.

So while sharing your number is best avoidable, having good ongoing communication with your partner is vital. If the issue comes up, have a mature discussion about what that information means to you both moving forward. And remember the past is the past, your relationship is built on today and tomorrow.

What do you think? Is knowing your partner’s number important or best left a mystery?