Preface: there’s nothing wrong with casual sex, so long as you’re both on the same page.
As I’m getting older, I’m wanting to settle down into a more committed relationship. In my younger years, I was never too phased about casual adult sleepovers with handsome strangers I met in bars, and I see nothing wrong with one night stands or sleeping together on the first date.
But with a committed relationship in mind, I screen my dates well before I meet them as I want to gauge properly if they’re here for a long time or just for a good time.
With any relationship, it’s important you’re both on the same page, whether that’s for one night or something a little more long-term. His words might say one thing but his actions could tell a completely different story.
If you’re like me, and a long-term relationship is what you’re after, here are nine red flags that your date is definitely after something much more, er, fleeting…
1. Dates are arranged very last minute
If a guy can’t see more than four hours ahead in his schedule to see you, then is he really worth it? A late night date that’s arranged last minute (particularly one involving a text message invite post-10p.m.) is a tell-tale sign he’s slotting you in when both he and his penis are bored.
2. He doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you
When you’re trying to have an in-depth conversation about your passions and pet hates and his eyes glaze over, it’s a sure-fire sign he’s only interested in getting to know what kind of undies you’re wearing, not the person underneath.
3. He insists on drinking
We’ve all been out for a beautiful lunch with a guy who insists it’d be fun to get drunk in the middle of the day. Is he a raging party boy? No, his wide grin and the fact he has wandering hands under the table are just screaming indicators he’s merely focused on priming you for some afternoon delight.
4. It seems rehearsed
If he’s saying aaall the right things already, and his plans to get you back to his place seem eerily premeditated, it’s probably because he’s practised this schtick many times before. His lines and moves are smoother than your legs post Winter shave, so you need to decide if you want to cave and screw, or take your smooth self home, forget about him, and have a little sesh with your fave vibrator instead.
5. He pushes your boundaries
Your date finished well and progressed to some light fondling pressed up against your car. You gesture it’s time to go before things get too much more heated and he seems pissed off that you won’t go back to his place, using the old, “But you’ve got me all riled up now” line. A man should respect your boundaries and not push them, especially when it comes to consent and sex, so take this as a screaming red flag to get the hell out of there.
6. You’ve never been on a real date together
Looking back on your past dates, he’s only suggested picking up a pizza on your way to his house on a Netflix and chill night at 9p.m.. If you’re keen for a one night stand or something a little more casual, then run with it, however, if you’re looking for a guy who’s ready to commit, this is a big warning sign that he just wants to sleep with you.
7. He seems too perfect
Beware, the man who seems ‘too perfect’ is the one who must be avoided. They avoid all forms of sexual contact and conversation upon first meeting in order to make us feel comfortable, safe and respected, and give us the impression that they’re not like “all the rest”, often by literally saying things like, “I’m not like other guys”. Red alert: he’s a fuckboy.
8. He uses any excuse to get you to his house
Bad traffic, poor parking, or his car’s in for repair? Any excuse that will have you hot-footing it over to his house after, or even before a date, is usually an indication he’s desperate to show you the inside of his bedroom.
9. He’s busy when you bring up personal issues
You’ve had a bad day at work and decide to text him and let off a little steam. He usually writes back within 10 minutes when you send a slightly suggestive selfie or respond to his late night texts. Yet this is the third time you’ve brought up something personal and he doesn’t seem to have the time for you unless you want to come over and discuss it at his place, later, say around 10p.m.?
Casual hookups or relationships aside, you need to ask yourself if you’re happy to just have sex, or if you’d prefer to hold out and wait for someone who’s a little more serious. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with either choice, just as long as you’re happy with your decision, and back yourself on it.
Images via tumblr.com and giphy.com.
Comment: What’s the worst line a guy’s ever told you to get you to sleep with him?