14 Things We All Think No One Knows We Do

When, actually, probably everyone knows. 

On Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw called it ‘secret single behavior’ – those things we do when we’re home alone.When we move in with a partner, we’re forced to curtail these activities, or at least limit them to the times we know we’ll have the place to ourselves. And then there are the things we do in public and hope no one notices, ducking into private corners or furtively glancing around to make sure no one’s looking.

We like to think these things make us adorably quirky, but let’s be honest: they mostly prove we’re slightly weird and gross. And while we’re being honest, let’s admit something else: we love our weird, gross habits, and we’ll never stop doing them, whether we’re single or not.

Here are a few of our faves:

1. Carb-loading like an animal. Who needs utensils when you have hands?

2. Yanking our underwear out of our butts. Even Meryl Streep does it…

3. Peeking into every medicine cabinet. (Can we use your bathroom?)

4. Checking our teeth in any reflective surface. Personally, I carry floss everywhere.

5. Taking 537 selfies to get one that’s Instagram-worthy – and hopefully not dying in the process.

6. Having our own private dance parties… in our underwear.

7. Adjusting the girls (those underwires, though…).

8. Stalking people online. It’s always a bad idea but we just can’t help ourselves.

9. Just saying NO to pants. Does anyone wear pants when they’re home alone?

10. Checking to see if we stink. Please, please, please don’t let that be us.

11. Talking to our pets (and singing to them, dressing them up, telling them secrets…).

12. Eating the whole pizza, all by ourselves. #noregrets

13. Three words: raw brownie batter. If you bake it, you’re doing it wrong.

14. Watching porn, usually while consuming pizza and raw brownie batter.

GIFs via giphy.com and wifflegif.com.

Comment: What things do you do that you think no one knows about?