sex selfies, relationships, intimacy issues

Sorry to any coy or shy folks out there, but sexting isn’t a fad and it looks like it’s definitely here to stay. In fact, over the past few years it’s become a pretty standard form of intimacy. Researchers at Drexel University’s Women’s Health Psychology Lab report that almost 90 per cent of people aged 18-80 have engaged in sexting at least once during their lifetime.

RELATED: Is sexting cheating?

So with all this sexting going on, how many of you feel like you’re actually nailing it? Seriously, there are no classes to teach us how it’s done (please correct me if I’m wrong), what the objective is, or even what constitutes sexting. Is it foreplay? Is it a modern day love letter – and are images or videos considered sexting?

Basically, it’s yes to all the above and the beauty is that there are no rules – it helps spice up people’s sex lives and it makes us feel good. So if you want some hot tips on how to keep a blushing shade of red on your sexting partners face all day long, please keep reading.

Writing a horny sext

Now, if you want an example of a long hot steamy sext you’ll have to go elsewhere. Why? Generic sexts regurgitated from websites and other sources are just wrong. When sent, they don’t include any of the passion or intimacy within a relationship. At best they are just dirty talk, which I’m sure people can conjure up on their own or borrow from some cheap porno.

Instead, I’d much rather give you some tips about how to write your own horny sexts and keep them coming. This way they can come from the heart – or further down the torso – and be relevant to the person you are sending them to.

1. Should sexts be based on fantasy or reality?

There are plenty of thoughts circulating regarding fantasy sexts vs sticking with reality. Despite some folks claiming that sexts should be based on real sexual behaviour and talking dirty, there are just as many, if not more, advocates for fantasy.

I’d have to agree with both, however; fantasy sexting has an added advantage. It’s an excellent way of communicating inner animistic desires. From childhood most people haven’t been conditioned to reveal them and so many sexual fantasies remain just that. Sexting therefore provides an opportunity to introduce these fantasies into a relationship, particularly for those not quite sure how to go about it.

2. What to write about

Even if you aren’t the worlds best writer, you should be able to produce a great sext. If you’re in a relationship, the main aim is to keep the sext personal and focus on the things that you know will excite the receiver. It might be past experiences that you’ve shared together, sexual acts or scenarios you’d like to try, the way the person makes you feel or anything else you share as a couple. Basically, the idea is to make sexting an extension of your sex life and use words, images and videos to spice things up a bit.

Alternatively, if a sext is to a person who you haven’t been intimate with, write about some of their features that you find attractive, how they make you feel, or what you’d like to do with them if given the chance. Don’t be overwhelming, though. In these instances, you probably don’t know the recipient well enough to know their likes or dislikes. What you may consider harmless sexting could be considered offense and stop things dead in their tracks. Ideally, test the water and see how far you can go.

3. How to write it

By now you know what you should be writing, so the next step is to know how to write it. Ideally, you want some foreplay to begin with, so start slowly with something like: “I’ve been thinking about you all day and can’t get the image of you out of my mind.” From there, gradually build the anticipation. This can be done by being as detailed as possible, much like soft porn written in a romantic novel. “I love it when we lie naked on the bed together. Your heart pounding as I begin to…” You get the picture.

On the contrary, there are other types of sexts that get right to the point and are simple dirty talk. They are just a quick reminder to a lover that you’re thinking of them. For example: “I can’t wait to have you between my legs tonight.” They aren’t as romantic or inventive as longer, hotter and more descriptive ones, but they get the job done – especially if you aren’t confident in writing.

4. Using images and videos

Not everyone can write horny sexts or is comfortable with talking dirty, so still images and videos are another option. The sky’s the limit with this one, so use your most vivid imagination and you’ll nail it.

My only tip here is to keep private images and videos private, if that’s your intention. That means making sure that they aren’t synced to Facebook or other internet sites, even in private settings. Also, make an arrangement that any sexts sent during a relationship aren’t to be publicly exposed after a break up. This may not seem valid during a relationship, but it will be highly relevant if it ends.

5. Troubleshooting

Most of us can manage to send a few images or a dirty video, but it’s words that people often struggle with. So, if you do have trouble writing a sext, I have a simple solution. Find somewhere where you can be alone, close your eyes, visualise a scenario of the two of you and then narrate it in your head. If you aren’t comfortable coming up with a fantasy scenario, then recall some steamy situation from your past.

To write it, you can either visualise the scene in its entirety and then describe it in a sext, or better still, write it as it plays out in your head. Finally, if it gets your juices flowing when you’re sending it, then the receiver will be blushing wherever they happen to be when they receive it. It really is that easy.