I was watching Family Feud the other day, which is something I seldom do and the question was, “What is the first thing people do when they wake up?” Now I thought of answers like have a pee, (which BTW was number one), make a cuppa, stretch, open your eyes, yawn. You know, that sort of thing? What struck me as totally bizarre was number two. Check out your FB page. WTF!

It seems FB has made a gigantic impact upon the lives of millions of people. Yes, I too have a FB page, but the last thing I want to do when I wake up is connect with other people or read about the crap happening in other peoples lives. You know the stuff. At blah blah, with so and so, having a ball. This is the meal I’m about to consume (which BTW is going cold because I’m trying to take the perfect shot). My partner is a lying arsehole, please comment. My partner is no longer a lying arsehole, how dare you comment! OMG really? Seconds after you wake up? Three words people; get a life!

So anyway, I’ve always queried that if people are at blah blah with so and so having this audacious time, why the heck would they bother updating their FB status to tell everyone about it? If they had to pull out their smartphone and update their FB status I reckon they’re probably stretching the truth. In reality they‘re bored as hell!

Think about it. If you’re in the middle of hot date and things are going really well and the two of you are about to get busy, would you say “hang on, I need to update my FB status.” No. You’re actually having too much of a good a time to be bothered about FB. That’s the reality. So when you see a post about this incredible time someone is having, it’s probably bullshit!

Now, the posts I really have to have a chuckle at are the arguments. Parents and their kids, partners going at each other and sometimes just general haters. Do people forget it’s a public forum? People have the opportunity to read about it AND comment!

There’s nothing more hilarious than a couple who are arguing. Their friends or family comment saying what a prick he or she is and then when the argument is over the couple combine and attack the people who have stopped by to comment. OMG talk about entertainment! Why do people comment? Why do couples argue on FB? It certainly is a strange world we live in. What’s more is that people don’t learn from the first time it happens. They do it over and over again.

Imagine being an alien and monitoring this stuff. The human race would look like a bunch of half-wits who have nothing better to do with their lives. They upload ridiculous photos of people doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things and write about every single thought which miraculously passes through their brain. If you were an alien would you bother visiting our planet?

So in closing, I just want to say thank you to the FB creators. They’ve managed to turn seemingly intelligent beings into sideshow freaks. Anyone who wants to stop by and take a gander at someone else’s life can do so with the click of a button.

People are heading straight out of the toilet in the morning to jump online and check out the latest gossip. They’ve managed to turn at least some of the worlds population into bullshit addicts. Pity they didn’t come up with something really significant, like a cure for Cancer. Instead, we got FB. Job well done fellas!

Image via jcsocialmarketing.com