And it’s not what you’re expecting.
As a woman of the 21st century, I never have just one thing on my mind.
When I’m in the office, I’m thinking about the best way to tackle the chores of the evening so I can get the most done in the little time I’ve got. When I’m eating breakfast, I’m wondering what to cook for dinner.
And when I’m having sex, I’m either figuring out how to satisfy my man before the footy starts, battling with myself over whether I should have gotten a bikini wax last week when I had the time, or worrying about whether any rolls are showing from that Winter weight I never seem to be able to shed.
But for all my years of sex writing, I couldn’t honestly tell you what’s going on in his head at the same time (though I’m guessing it’s something along the lines of, ‘Seven times seven is 49… Don’t come yet!‘). So, in the interest of finally putting to bed whether or not guys actually care about the stuff that stresses us out in the sack (read: whether our labia really looks as weird as we think it does and if he’s noticed the fact our arms jiggle when we’re on top), I conducted some hard-hitting (pun totally intended) journalism to find out…
1. I’ve got a mother load
“Well, if I have to be honest, I think about my mother. I don’t want to blow too early, so once I’m hard, I think about her. And besides, my wife kind of looks after me like a mother anyway, so it’s not too bad if I think about it that way [laughs].”
Marc, 32, business operations manager
2. DON’T put yo’ teeth into it
“I think about the fact I wish she wouldn’t use her teeth when she’s blowing me. It’s a gross feeling, but I’m scared that if I say anything, she won’t do it at all…”
Joseph, 33, barista
3. Be a good sport
“I get into sport mode. The goal is getting the girl to come before I blow – then she’ll be so grateful, she’ll feel like she owes me one, and since most chicks don’t like being fucked after they’ve come, she’ll go in for head. Works every time.”
Mohammed, 27, builder
4. Don’t hate the player, hate the game
“I try to remember what I said that got the chick into bed in the first place, so I can use it on the next chick.”
Mitch, 36, online editor (and self-proclaimed bachelor for life)
5. Word of mouth matters
“I just want to make sure she’s happy. I know women talk, and I do care what she says. I want all her friends to be jealous of the relationship we have – and she does too; we’ve spoken about it.”
Jason, 34, IT specialist
6. Can you make it clap no hands for me?
“I actually wish she’d stop freaking out about her butt being ‘too big’ or fat or whatever – doing it from behind is awesome and tight and I want in!”
Josh, 26, sheet-metal worker
7. She’s perfect
“Honestly, I think about how lucky I am to be in bed with such a beautiful woman. Then I think about all the naughty things I want to do with her.”
Daniel, 28, court officer
Images via tumblr.com and giphy.com.
Comment: What do you think about when you’re having sex?