You may not like what you’re about to read, but you need to hear it.
The other night, I – and about 30 other intrigued women – got the chance to spend an intimate night with Samantha X, British journalist turned high-class escort.
As she walked into the room, I’m sure mine wasn’t the only jaw to drop. This woman is absolutely gorgeous, I thought – why on earth would she need to sell her body for money?
A little shy about hosting the women-only event – she cops a lot more judgment from gals than she does from guys – she spoke openly about her divorce, her children, her unsupportive parents, and what she does for a living.
It was an eye-opening experience. I never thought I’d leave at the end of the night questioning my marriage, my job, and life in general.
Journalism is an all-hours job, and the pay is shocking; it’s kind of like parenting – you do it for the love of it. It takes up so much of my life that I seldom give my husband as much attention as he craves. I guess if he were paying me for sex, that would be a different story. And when it comes to paying for sex, there were a lot of myths I had to unlearn, listening to Samantha X spill the beans.
So if you’re married or planning to get married one day, read on, for the sake of your relationship…
Myth #1: Streets hookers and ‘high class’ escorts are all the same
Actually, they’re not. Samantha X, for example, charges $1000 per hour (bet you’re considering a career change now…). And even though she’s never actually turned tricks on the street, she does hazard a guess that that kind of prostitution is a means of survival, not enjoyment.
“Maybe they have addictions to feed, are homeless, or are being forced to work,” she says. “Escorting at the level I am at is an empowered choice, an educated and informed decision. I work when I want to work – that could be not at all, an hour a week or a few hours a month.”
Talk about achieving the ultimate work-life balance!
Myth #2: Women who sell their bodies for money have STIs
Samantha X says her sexual situation is like any other person’s: she doesn’t have to do anything – and if a guy has an STI, she walks away from the job.
“Your body, your choice. You absolutely have the right to say no to anything and everything. Condoms are imperative and a health check is done before you get intimate with anyone.”
Her advice for everybody reading this?
“You must never, ever do anything you are not comfortable with, whether you are in the sex industry or just with a man you have met in a bar. Never feel guilty for saying no.”
Myth #3: All prostitutes do is lay on their back
That’s not really the case.
“Sex plays a very small part in what we do,” says Samantha X. “But that sometimes only lasts three minutes – and then there’s still 57 minutes left to fill with conversation.”
There’s no training regimen, per se, but – as she explains – being a good actor will go a long way.
“Escorting is not like a Tinder date,” she says. “You are a fantasy, so you can’t sit there and disagree with his views too strongly; he isn’t there to impress you – although clients do feel they have to. You also need to learn a few tips on how to walk through a hotel lobby, how to manage your hour, or three, what to talk and not talk about – they don’t want to hear about your digestive issues – how to check for sexually transmitted infections, and how to deal with a tricky client.”
Myth #4: Escorts have to compromise their morals
Everybody has their limits. For Samantha X, one of those is (gulp) anal sex. But she understands others may not have the same confidence to refuse to do things.
“I am 42 years-old. I am my own boss. I vet my clients carefully and choose who to see and who not to see. I worry about young girls in brothels being exposed to men on ice and feeling they have to do things they don’t want to. If that is you – get out and get out fast. That is not empowering and that is not right. Nobody should ever make you do things, no matter how much money you are getting paid.”
Myth #5: Prostitutes have sex in dirty alleyways and cars
When you’re at Samantha X’s level, there’s no way you’d find yourself in anything less than five-star luxury.
“Recently I spent a few blissful days in LA with my companion – who was at a conference for most of the time. I flew first class there and back, had access to his driver all day, and was paid more money than I would’ve made in six months as a full-time journalist.”
But even with that kind of glamour at her fingertips, she still has a warning for other women considering becoming an escort.
“It is a hard industry to leave because it is so lucrative and the hours are so flexible – but all that comes at a cost. How would you feel if your family found out? Future partners? I started this at 37, and I am so glad I didn’t do it earlier – I probably would not have had kids and stability,” she confesses.
Myth #6: Sex workers are all nymphomaniacs
Prior to joining the sex industry, Samantha X had the same sex life as the average woman. There were highs, there were lows, and sex certainly wasn’t something that controlled her life (nor does it these days).
As a tabloid journalist, she was too busy chasing celebrities and yelling obscenities at them to get them to react, giving her a front-page story. It’s funny to hear Samantha X say she’s actually got more morals now than in her previous job, but, knowing the publishing industry well, I can vouch for that… but I digress.
So if she’s not a sex addict, what made her want to do this?
“Have you seen Secret Diary Of A Call Girl? That series! I had always secretly wondered about the sex industry, and I think it was my calling. I got sick of dating guys who used me and feeling disempowered as a result. I also got sick of never having enough money and being overstretched as a mother and a journalist. One of the stories I was once assigned called for me to interview strippers; I expected drugged-out junkies and instead met educated, smart and sober women who were putting themselves through law school, were mothers and so on. The seed grew from then.”
Myth #7: Your husband will never cheat on you with a prostitute
As the night came to a close, I revealed to her I never expected I would meet such an educated, well-spoken woman at an escort’s tell-all event – but I had one more question. In her book, Hooked (which is a must-read, by the way), Samantha X writes about married men paying for her services because their wives have stopped having sex with them.
This was a little confronting as, like many women, I work a 12-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week job, and still do all the cooking and cleaning in the apartment (there’s a reason I have decided not to have kids yet!), so excuse me if maybe I’m a little exhausted from tackling everything else life is throwing at me. He’s got a hand, and if he doesn’t want to use it, he should be helping with the cooking and cleaning so I have more time to relax and get in the mood.
“Men need sex to feel loved and validated, and if they don’t get it from their wives, they will find it elsewhere,” she told me bluntly.
It was a tough thing to hear; I felt a dark cloud actually hover over the room. After leaving just enough time for the reality to sink in, she continued.
“Trust me, these men love their wives, and they’d much rather spend thousands of dollars on the women they married – I hear it from all of them. But men are very simple creatures; affection and feeling wanted is something they crave – and, to them, affection very simply means sex.”
Check out Samantha X’s new website here. GIFs via giphy.com.
Comment: Will this insight make you change the way you look at sex?