Today, I’m sending a huge thank you to legendary sex machine Mauro Morata. Okay, that may not be his official title, but the man has a (wet?) dream and he’s determined to see it reach a climax (last one, promise).
In 2018, Morata will open the vagina-crafted arch to ErotikaLand, a sex-themed amusement park in Piracicaba, Brazil. Local Catholics are up in arms about it (surprise, surprise), but I say if you’re offended, don’t go.
“We cannot be known as the capital of sex,” says Matheus Erler, a member of the Christian Socialist Party.
Um, Mr Erler, I’m pretty sure Brazil already has that reputation, thanks to its annual Carnival. Here are 11 things the rest of us have to look forward to…
1. Driving bumper cars shaped just like the parts we use to bump together.
2. Riding a Ferris wheel we can see out of but not into.
3. Watching a movie at Cinema 7D, where we’ll be able to feel the action on the screen in our vibrating seat.
4. Taking a ride on the Train of Pleasure, described as an “erotic ghost train” with gogo girls and boys in place of ghosts.
5. Dining on aphrodisiac snacks (well, doesn’t that give a whole knew meaning to eating out).
6. Swimming in a nudist pool, or getting our tan on poolside while sexy waiters bring us drinks.
7. Letting our wobbly bits run wild while plummeting down a nude waterslide.
8. Only people over the age of 18 will be allowed in, so there’ll be no annoying kids or ‘out of their element’ teens to worry about.
9. A sex shop selling popular SoftLove products, such as vibrators and essential-oil filled massage balls.
10. A museum of sex, where we can learn about our fave pastime.
11. Getting free condoms; it’s the park’s away of promoting safe sex.
But if you’ll want to put the condoms to good use, you’ll need to rent a room at one of the park’s nearby hotels.
Admission will cost around $100 – but can you really put a price on good sex? And with that much stimulation, the result is guaranteed to be earth-shattering.
Image via softlove.com.br. GIFs via giphy.com.
Comment: Would you ever consider attending a sex-themed amusement park? Why or why not?