Who made these dumb rules anyway?
It’s 2018 and modern dating has changed the way people meet and fall in love forever.
To keep with the times, there are a few dating rules we need to ditch this year. Bye, Felicia!
1. The guy should pay
What is this, the 1950s? Who says one person should have to foot the bill for a date just because of their genitalia? Sounds ridiculous when you put it like that, and yet I know so many women who feel mortally offended if they have to contribute to their own date. Can we ditch this stupid “rule” please?
2. The woman definitely shouldn’t pay
Conversely, when it comes to paying the most commonplace choices are “guy pays” or “split the bill”. Rarely does anyone talk about a “girl pays” option. Why is this? Do people think it’s emasculating? Are women scared to look too “controlling”? Whatever the reason, paying should be on a case-by-case basis. Anyone should be able to pay, or offer to pay and it’s up to the couple to decide how this goes down. It’s 2018, a lady can treat her man because feminism, bitches.
3. The man has to do the asking
Wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’ that someone will ask you out is giving someone you don’t even really know control of your life. Madness, right? In 2018 we shouldn’t sit around and wait for someone to ask us on dates. Woman up and take your fate into your own hands. Want someone? Go get them, girl.
4. No sex on the first date…
For years women have been told to never have sex on the first date. Repeat after me: have sex whenever you damn well please. Getting naked with someone new should be done at your own pace, not when some arbitrary dating rule says so. And if someone loses interest after sleeping with you, they were always going to regardless of when you did the nasty.
5. Wait till at least the third date for sex
See above. When it comes to sex, no-one’s rules but your own apply.
6. Play hard to get
So. Many. Games. Don’t say I love you first, don’t be the first to pick up the phone, wait three days to text. What all of these say is “Avoid being vulnerable at all costs”. The big problem with this is that a true relationship needs to be emotionally vulnerable to succeed; putting up walls won’t work. If you don’t express yourself because you need to “play the game”, you’ll never learn if your potential lover is emotionally capable and you’ll never learn to properly deal with rejection. These are fricking valuable life skills, people! And those who react poorly when you’re honest about who you are are not the guys you want to be dating. Quit the games and you’ll stop wasting your time on the wrong people.
7. Avoid asking about the future
Why? Why do we tiptoe around asking someone whether we’re officially dating or not? Why do we shy away from making plans beyond next week? And why, dear god, why do we leave decisions about our lives to someone else? By avoiding all future talk, you’re essentially leaving your fate in someone else’s hands, which is some serious crap. The man who’s afraid of talking about the future or gets spooked by forward-planning is not the man for you. He’s telling you through his actions that his future does not include you. I’m not saying talk marriage and babies on date one, but don’t be afraid to asking the big questions as the relationship progresses.
8. Chemistry is all in the first kiss
“If you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss (that’s where it is!)” Except that’s also total bullshit. All sorts of things can happen to make the first kiss awkward: slightly too much alcohol, a bad case of the nerves, mistiming your smooth moves resulting in accidentally butting heads. Whatever the reason, the first smooch may not always ignite fireworks. Expecting chemistry to sizzle off the charts from the first time you lock lips is plain unrealistic and this rule has got to go.
9. Keep dating, because it’s a numbers game
If you keep playing the game enough, you have to win someday, right? Oh so, so wrong. Continuing to date when you really should be taking a break can do more harm than good. Know the signs of dating fatigue and make sure you’re in the right headspace first. My shrink recently said to me that we should treat dating like post-Christmas sales. You can go window shopping but don’t buy just because it’s discounted. Wait ’til you find something you really like rather than purchasing out of FOMO. Which makes a lot of sense because who wants to get dolled up for a date you don’t really want to go on? Not me!
10. The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else
Although I’ve lived by this saying over the years, calling on a fuck buddy to help bang the pain away, it doesn’t work for everyone and should definitely not be a rule. I hear so many people give this advice and push recently heartbroken gals into something way too early for them. See No. 4 and repeat after me once more: Only. Have. Sex. When. You. Feel. Ready.
11. Don’t go out for a meal on a first date
Modern dating has veered sharply away from the wine and dine scenario from days of yore. Instead of dinner, people are “hanging” or “chilling” or catching up for a quick drink because it’s much easier to ditch your date if it’s not going well. Plus once it gets to a certain time of night, any post-date activities are likely to involve going home with someone, which you might not be ready to do. But that certainly doesn’t rule out all meals. If you’d like something more concrete than casual, give a brunch or lunch date a go in 2018. That way you can have the time to get some good banter going, and claim you have stuff to do for the rest of the day if you’re not feeling it. And if you are feeling it? Suggest a walk or another activity. Because let’s face it, it’s weird to ask someone you just met to go back to your house after breakfast, so you’re safe.
12. Don’t spend too much time together at the start
My god, who makes up this shit? Time and time again I hear women talking about how they can’t hang out too much with someone when you’ve just met. Apparently if you actually show any sign you like someone, like, I don’t know… enjoying their company on the reg, you could come off as too clingy. I say fuck that. If someone asks you to spend time with them and you want to, do it. Furthermore, if you suggest a second or third date in the week and they freak out because you actually want to spend time with them, just think of the eggshells you’ll have to walk on if that relationship continues. No thank you very much! Call me old fashioned but I want to date someone who likes being around me. Lots. And you know who doesn’t want to spend much time with you? Players who are seeing other women. Just sayin’.
13. Never accept a spontaneous invite
Come on, you’re not really helping your friend move or washing your hair on Saturday, you just want a guy to think you have a busy life. You’re playing it cool, but you could be shooting yourself in the foot as this dude might think you don’t want to go out with him. If a nice guy spontaneously asks you out, and you a) want to go and b) aren’t busy, for the love of god say yes! The only type of man who will think less of you for being “too available” is a player who likes unattainable women. In which case saying yes will trigger his dysfunctional behavior and you will have weeded out yet another dude-bro loser. You’re welcome.
So ladies, in summary: the only people who play games with rules are players; the clue is literally in the name. A nice, relationship-y guy will not freak out if you talk future, won’t think less of you if you’re free when he wants to go out with you, and certainly won’t judge you for your sexual timelines. By saying “screw the rules” and being yourself, you’re essentially filtering all the shitty guys out, because a player can’t handle it when you don’t want to play. He’ll quit, but that’s okay because you’ve just eliminated another guy who’s totally wrong for you. And that, my friends, is a win win.
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Comment: What dating rules would you like to see ditched in 2018?