If ‘the one’ is out there somewhere, don’t you want to find him?
I don’t want to call anyone out here, but over the years I’ve noticed something about a lot of couples: they don’t seem to like each other very much.
Lord knows I’m not one to judge; I’ve stayed too long in some dead-end relationships myself. But the reason I broke those off was because I believed there was something better out there for me – and for my exes, too.
Yet in spite of all my experiences, I still believe in the fairytale. Maybe it’s because I’ve mastered the ways to mend a broken heart, leading me to feel less damaged than I would have been if I’d stayed.
So when I hear people griping about their partners, or see them behaving in ways that seem like too big a compromise, selling themselves and their dreams short, it really gets me down. I start to wonder if anyone is truly happy in their relationship.
I know breakups are no fun, but if you’re miserable, don’t you owe it to yourself to get out of your dead-end relationship? Here are 14 reasons to call the whole thing off.
1. You feel bad about yourself
We tend to see ourselves through the eyes of the people around us, especially those closest to us. So when you’re in a bad relationship, it makes sense that you start to feel bad about yourself. You wonder if you’re to blame for the problems in your relationship, and after a while you start to think maybe you don’t deserve to be happy. Keep an eye out for signs of depression – it’s real and can happen to anyone.
2. You’re constantly justifying their behavior
When you’re desperate to hang on to your relationship, you start to accept behavior that’s not okay. You don’t want to face the truth, so you make excuses for the way your partner behaves – to yourself and everyone else. After a while you don’t even know what’s acceptable and what’s not anymore.
3. Your ambitions are taking a back seat to your partner’s
Sure, it’s healthy to compromise sometimes, and couples should support each other’s ambitions. The key is to take turns. Your partner should be just as excited about your dreams as you are. If they’re out there pursuing their goals while you wait patiently for your turn that never comes, it’s time to reevaluate.
4. You’re not living the life you always dreamed about
Once you’ve invested significant time and energy into a relationship, it can be hard to let go; it feels like such a waste. But if you’re at the point where you feel hopeless about your life, it’s past time to get out. If you can’t remember who you used to be before you met them, go dream some new dreams.
5. Neither of you get jealous anymore
Okay, being crazy jealous isn’t healthy, but a little bit of jealousy keeps things interesting. If you just can’t be bothered to care anymore, what fun is that?
6. You don’t even think about the future
When thinking about the future fills you with dread and despair, it’s a sign. If things are so bad that you can’t focus on your hopes, dreams and goals, it might be time to say goodbye. Because being in the moment is great – but not if you can’t see a future together.
7. You can’t remember the last time you really laughed together
How often do you just have a good, silly time together? If you can’t recall the last time you two let loose and had fun together – if you can’t even laugh together anymore – what are you sticking around for? Make an effort or move on.
8. You’re doing all the work
It takes two to make a relationship work. Being the one who constantly tries to start discussions, dream up fun dates and make the other person happy is exhausting. If your partner isn’t putting in an effort, why should you?
9. You never have sex anymore
Don’t ever let anyone tell you sex isn’t important to a relationship. Couples with active, satisfying sex lives are healthier, happier, make more money and live longer. It’s science. So go get some.
10. When you do have sex, it’s not good
See above. You shouldn’t just be having sex – you should be having good sex. Once you’ve lost that physical connection, it’s hard to get it back. When it’s not working, it’s just not working. Chemistry doesn’t lie.
11.Your eye is starting to wander
You know that feeling when you first fall in love, that your beloved is the only one in the world for you? He’s the cutest you’ve ever seen; no one else even turns your head anymore. That feeling may fade a little as time goes by, but when you start to notice hot guys everywhere, watch out – your subconscious is trying to tell you something.
12. There are so many great guys out there
So Ryan Gosling is taken, but there are still tons of amazing guys out there. Like my grandma always said: men are like buses – another one comes along every 10 minutes.
13. Being single is actually pretty great sometimes
Think about all the fun things you used to do when you were single. You did what you wanted, when you wanted, without anyone getting mad, guilt-tripping you or playing weird mindgames. Being in a couple isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.
Listen up: you only live once. Do you want to be stuck in a dead-end relationship forever? Do yourself and your partner a favor: go live the life you were meant to live.
GIFs via giphy.com.
Comment: How do you know it’s time to walk away from a relationship?
Elizabeth lives in Brooklyn with two daughters, occasional mice and innumerable to-do lists. She runs a nine-minute mile, bakes a mean chocolate chip cookie, and can always be persuaded to sing at a karaoke bar. Follow her on Twitter.