No, really – you can’t sit with us.
We’ve all had that friend – and chances are, we’ve all been that friend from time to time. You know the one: she won’t stop calling, she gets upset if you take too long to return a text, she’s always having a crisis, and she gets annoyed when you can’t spend every free minute with her.
Yes, it’s the dreaded clingy friend. And while a clingy friend might be better than a toxic friend, they’re two sides of the same coin. No one wants to be friends with either one – or worse, be either of them.
You might be thinking, ‘I’m not a clingy friend – if I were, how would I still have any friends?’ After all, no one would put up you, would they?
You might be surprised. Psychology Today‘s ‘Friendship Doctor,’ Irene Levine, PhD, says there are a few reasons people might keep clingy friends around. “People who like feeling needed – or once liked the feeling, even if they don’t anymore,” might attract needy friends, says Dr Levine. Your friends might “feel like they aren’t worthy of healthier, more balanced relationships.” Or, they may just be “stuck – either feeling angry or sorry for their needy friend.” They may just feel too guilty to end the friendship.
Are you a clingy friend? If any of the following sound familiar, beware…
1. It feels like your friends are always finding excuses not to hang out with you.
2. Your friends seem uneasy around you, and you’re not sure why…
3. You tell people they’re your ‘best friend’ a lot.
4. You feel the need to make plans to see your friends every day.
5. You’re confused and upset when your friends don’t pick up the phone – Every. Single. Time. You. Call.
6. You’re constantly reassuring yourself – and others – that you’re a good friend.
7. You have a hard time letting your friends leave when you’re hanging out.
8. You get frustrated when your friends don’t seem to understand you; you want them to know you better than they seem to.
9. You get jealous when your friend falls in love and disappears into her new relationship instead of spending time with you.
10. Friends have actually called you ‘desperate’ or ‘pathetic’ and you thought they were kidding.
11. You’re never the first one to let go of a hug.
12. You hate being alone.
13. You’re always the one talking about your feelings, never the one listening to your friends.
14. You have no sense of yourself outside of who you are with your friends.
15. You can’t do anything without asking your friends if they think it’s a good idea.
16. You find yourself getting unreasonably mad at your friends for ‘neglecting’ you, and picking fights with them over little things.
GIFs via giphy.com and tumblr.com.
Comment: Are you a clingy friend, or have you ever had one?
Elizabeth lives in Brooklyn with two daughters, occasional mice and innumerable to-do lists. She runs a nine-minute mile, bakes a mean chocolate chip cookie, and can always be persuaded to sing at a karaoke bar. Follow her on Twitter.