Can’t. Adult. Today.
Being a grown-up is hard work. What, with all the bill paying, washing of clothes and acting like you care about important topics like politics and world events, it’s a wonder anyone is able to keep it up 24/7.
There are just days when you want to throw yourself face first back into bed and pray for a time machine to take you back to a quainter time, when your olds did everything for you and your greatest struggle in life was deciding whether to watch cartoons or play jump rope; and on those days, these things typically go through your mind…
1. The realization that you have zero capacity to sensibly manage your own funds.
2. Like, zero.
3. Or to keep to any sort of structured fitness routine.
4. Attending an of outside-of-work hours weeknight obligation is essentially torture.
5. And places that require you to act mature-like are equally as loathsome.
6. Which is why you prefer nutritionally-devoid foods that come in packets in place of actual meals.
7. And would rather get creative with your eating than have to go through the exertion of washing up a fork.
8. You spend most of your day trying to look like you’re working instead of actually, you know, working.
9. And even your commute home reminds you of the futility of grown-up life.
10. You’d seriously consider throwing yourself through a window as an alternative to doing the washing.
11. The same goes for interacting with other humans.
12. And the whole cooking stuff that isn’t Ramen noodles thing isn’t really working for you either.
13. Which is why you’re not in any sort of mood to drink responsibly.
14. Or deal with the 8,732 unread bills piling up on your kitchen bench.
15. Instead, you’d much rather eat ice-cream and fantasize about unicorns and sprinkles.
16. Because just for today, you don’t feel like adulting.
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