“Oh yeah, he’s lovely,” you say, smiling through gritted teeth.
“Really?! Thank goodness, I’m so relieved you like him.”
At that, you hug your friend to give her a boost of confidence and simultaneously cry on the inside because, as much as you hate to say it, you so do not approve of her new relationship.
You love your bestie to death – she’s your soulmate, after all– but she’s seeing a boy you just can’t stand. You can’t put your finger on why; he’s polite, has a good job and treats your bestie like the queen she is, yet for some reason just looking at him makes you so irritated, you want to throw the chilled cosmo he bought you right in his face.
If you’ve been fortunate enough to have a BFF who has chosen to only date living legends, congratulations. But just so you know exactly how we boyfriend-detesting ladies feel, the situation plays out a little like this…
1. Ooh la la! So excited to meet this incredible guy I’ve heard so much about.
2. Okay, so he doesn’t exactly ooze sex appeal, but I’m sure he’s got a great personality.
3. Was that meant to be a joke? Surely he doesn’t think Mike and Rachel breaking up on Suits is a laughing matter.
4. Who is this guy? Seriously, I thought she had better taste than this.
5. Not to worry, she did say he’s an animal in the bedroom. I’m sure once she’s over the mind-boggling sex she’ll give him the flick.
6. No, no, no. Why did she think it was appropriate to bring him to a girls-only evening? Tonight was meant to be full of cocktails, saucy sex stories and rants about ex-boyfriends and horrible bosses, not include boring boyfriends.
7. It’s like every time you want to see her she asks if he can come too, and it’s taking all your willpower to not say no.
8. How can she find this guy stimulating? All he talks about is feta cheese and motorbikes – it’s positively mind-numbing.
9. What’s that? Oh, a personal joke I’m clearly not invited to learn more about. Talk about third-wheeling.
10. Jesus, they’re attached at the hip. The concept of us hanging out as gal pals looks to be a distant memory.
11. Despite the fact I’ve perfected my fake smile, I think he can still tell I hate him.
12. OMFG, now she’s calling him ‘sweetie’! This is worse than I originally thought.
13. Can they PLEASE stop whispering sweet nothings and holding hands under the table?! We’re at the pub with friends, not on a lovey-dovey dinner date.
14. Oh, great, now she’s telling me every detail of their romantic weekend away. Did somebody say snooze fest?
15. Really? He organised a hot-air balloon ride, bought you 12 red roses and some diamond earrings? Well I guess that’s a nice gesture…
16. Although it breaks my heart to say it, I think he might actually be a good guy. And she’s starting to fall for him. Hard.
17. Okay, so maybe I’ve been a tad jealous. He’s caring, treats her right and seems harmless – at least they’re over the clingy stage now. Time to go back to being best friends.