Because a gal’s got needs.
Let’s get this right out of the way; getting sexually frustrated every once in a while is completely normal.
Whether it’s prompted by a dry spell, a lack of passion in your current relationship, or something else; having one of your most basic needs unmet can consume a big chunk of your mental real estate, leaving you feeling generally fidgety, on edge, and, well, distracted.
Whatever your situation, you needn’t suffer any longer. In fact, de-prioritizing your sexual needs is a recipe for disempowerment and emotional distress. So let’s stop pretending women don’t need sexual gratification just as much as men do, and cut right to the chase.
Here are 19 ways to deal with sexual frustration, with and without a bed partner…
“Whether you have a partner or not, masturbation is an excellent way to feel pleasure and learn about your body. After all, the better we know what makes us feel good, the better we will be able to communicate it to a partner,” sexologist and sex educator Lisa Hochberger says.
As an added bonus, masturbation is a faster way to reach O-Town, and regular orgasms have been found to be one of nature’s best anti-ageing tools. Really!
2. Flip over — try a new sex position
If sex with your SO has gotten stale, or you’re currently in a sex-starved marriage, it could be a sign you just need to mix it up a little, and revisit what pleasure points work for you.
“If you have a consensual partner, I encourage you to discuss trying a mutually agreed upon new sexual position. It might make you laugh, it might not go as planned or it could be just the thing you needed,” advises Hochberger.
3. Embrace your sensuality
“Our ability to be attracted to others and feel attractive ourselves is part of our sensuality. Sensuality is one of the five circles of sexuality – sensuality, sexualization and power, sexual identity, intimacy and sexual health and reproduction,” explains Hochberger.
“If you feel more attracted to others when you feel more attractive yourself, take the steps you need to, to feel good about yourself.”
4. Rediscover your partner
“If you are in the mood, but your partner isn’t, try adding a little excitement to the relationship,” recommends Hochberger.
“We tend to think we know everything about our partners which makes us too comfortable. We lose our desire when we stop craving the mystery of our partner. Put on a different lens.”
There’s so much to be discovered, and it might be time to remind your partner of that.
5. Get active
“If you want to bring passion back into a relationship, try and do a novel activity with your partner,” says Hochberger.
“Things that get your heart pumping like rock climbing, a roller coaster, or even sky diving will all increase excitement and make you and your partner more in the mood.”
Just think: the more you get your heart rate up outdoors, the more you could get your heart rate up in the bedroom…
6. Invest in a high-quality sex toy
Sometimes all you need is a good sex toy to hit the spot and relieve all the stresses the day has thrown at you, and best of all, vibrators are ideal sexual frustration relievers, whether you’re flying solo or in a relationship.
If you are considering investing in one, do your research on what vibrator is best suited to your needs first – there’s a lot of options on offer, and not all sex toys are created equal (although these ones definitely pass our test).
7. Release stress
If it’s yoga that gets you, grab a mat; or if it’s yelling in your car, drive to a quiet spot, roll up the windows and scream. Sometimes when we are stressed, pent-up anxiety calls for some sort of release, so do something that takes the weight off your back.
If yelling at the sky or yoga don’t appeal to you, try practicing mindfulness activities, which are aimed at helping rebalance your mindset and finding your inner calm, even when it’s been a while since you’ve relieved the, er, ‘other’ kind of stress…
8. Be vocal
If you’re not feeling in sync with your partner, try being a little more vocal in the bedroom. That means telling your lover what you want, how you want it, and making sure to let them know when you like it.
If it’s long distance that’s keeping your knees buckled, try being a little more vocal over the phone (a little phone sex or a racy text message never hurt anyone), because if you can’t be together, a little imagination combined with word play could go a long way.
9. Focus on something that matters to you
Is your sexual frustration build-up throwing your hormones all out of whack? Refocus your energy into something you’ve been putting off for a while, like that DIY project you’ve been wanting to do, or the book you started writing but never got around to finishing; you’ll get off on the feeling of accomplishment that comes afterward.
10. Harness your masculine energy
We’re all independent women who ‘don’t need no man’ — and there’s no reason we have to make an exception to that rule when it comes to sex. If you don’t have a man around to satisfy your sexual needs, try rechanneling your energy into something really physical and conventionally masculine, like weight-lifting or contact sports.
Thanks to the adrenaline surge these activities prompt, you’ll feel a sense of relief, sans orgasm, as well as the satisfaction that comes with knowing anything he can do, you can do to (and probably better).
11. Get productive
You might be at a standstill where you’re itching for a scratch that you just can’t reach on your own. So why not try and shift that agitated feeling and do something productive?
Start by attacking aspects of your life that are piling up on your to-do list, like cleaning the house or reorganizing your makeup collection. Whatever the task, knock it over and move on to the next, because distracting yourself from a distraction never felt so good.
12. Look away
Up for a challenge? Try ignoring those that you are attracted to. It might be tough, but admiring your unattainable handsome married coworker is only going to make the frustration so much worse, so try telling yourself you’ll take a quick break from indulging in eyeballing your biggest temptations for the next week. If you can conquer that, you can conquer just about anything.
13. Watch an X-rated flick
There are a number of benefits to watching porn – not the least being a surefire way to get your rocks off when the tension is rising.
Even if you have a partner, porn can be a way for you both to explore new ideas and open up a forum for discussing your innermost fantasies; a failsafe way to ensure you have hot, orgasm-filled sex that leaves you frustration free.
14. Take a cold shower
You mean that drunk trick? Yeah. Let the ice water shock your skin and liberate you. Exposing your body to quick bursts of cold water has been suggested to boost circulation and invigorate your energy levels, making it an ideal frustration-reliever.
Just ensure you keep the cold water running for a max of 30 seconds before switching back to warm water, so as not to overwhelm your body.
15. Hang with your girlfriends
Title this tip: GNO or GNI. Plan a night with your girls and spend it engaging in activities you love doing together. Studies have shown spending time with friends can have a significant impact on your overall sense of contentment and wellbeing.
Not to mention, your closest girlfriends are the select few people you can unabashedly discuss your sexual frustrations with in a judgement-free atmosphere – and getting it off your chest is the first step to overcoming it.
16. Seek out the help of a professional
If sexual frustration is haunting you, you might want to seek professional help. Sometimes this kind of frustration is caused by anxiety, stress, and depression histories, sexologist and sex therapist Dr. Prabhu Vyas told Lybrate suggests.
A professional can help guide you though your feelings to get to the root of what’s causing them and work to make them a thing of the past.
Do your loins ache every time you think of the last time you had really satisfying sex? Write about it. Jotting down all the juicy details and your feelings about them can provide a huge sense of release by acting as a practical way of emptying your mind of all that’s weighing it down.
As an added bonus, you might end up with a pretty steamy erotic read at the end of it which you can pull out on those lonely nights when the frustration is rising.
18. Stop focusing on orgasms
Having trouble orgasming? It happens to the best of us. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, only 30 percent of women actually achieve orgasms through sex. That means one in three women have trouble reaching orgasm. A fairly depressing statistic, really.
Worse still, when we fail to achieve one, we can stress ourselves out about it, creating sexual anxiety – a recipe for frustration galore. Instead, next time you have sex, tell your partner at the start that you just want to enjoy the ride and not worry about climaxing. Simply removing the pressure will do wonders for your ability to live in the moment and have a good time.
19. Redefine sex
The bedroom might be good for sleeping, but let’s be real, sex comes first. However, sex can become routine in long-term relationships, and when that happens, it’s easy to let it affect the entire relationship, as sexual frustration levels rise. But it needn’t be the makings of your undoing.
Try reframing your knowledge of all things sex and looking at it in a new lens – one in which there’s no pressure to orgasm, any position goes, and penetration isn’t always required (reacquainting yourself with some good old-fashioned highschool foreplay might just be the best thing you ever do for your sex life).
At the end of the day. sex should be enjoyable and relaxing, not a subject of stress and frustration. So don’t succumb to it, and learn how to scratch that itch on your own, because pleasure shouldn’t be limited to one outlet. There are lots of ways to get off. In fact, whomever said chocolate’s just as good as sex was probably onto something…
Images via giphy.com and favim.com.
Comment: How do you deal with sexual frustration?