6 Things People Who Have Lots Of Sex Do That You’re Not Doing
Good news: everything here is super achievable.
We’ve all met that person or that couple who always have a new sex story.
Maybe they had a threesome. Maybe they tried BDSM. Maybe they made a sex tape. While part of us is wondering if they’re lying, the other part might be wondering why they’re so damn sexual.
So here’s a list of a few traits commonly found in highly sexual people and a few ways you can implement some of their adventurous antics into your own life…
1. They relax
It’s common knowledge that stress, depression, and anxiety can contribute to a low libido, so it makes sense that learning how to manage your mental health can potentially equate to more action in the sack. Sex can also help relieve stress, proving that sex and mental health can form a symbiotic relationship.
“When approaching the big O, we are opening ourselves, physically and mentally, to an ongoing cycle of ‘feel good’ state,” says sex and marriage therapist, Limor Blockman.
“The idea of having sex to release stress immediately removes our frustration, thus allowing the climax to invite a new, more empowering dose of the good old pleasure.”
2. They make themselves happy
As I recently learned, masturbating for 7 days in a row drastically boosted my sex drive. I noticed after just a few days of self-love, I felt confident and more in tune with my sexual desires. Mutual masturbation is also a fun warm-up before doing the deed with your partner.
“Exploring your own body inside and out is the best way to discover your full orgasm potential,” confirms The Science of Orgasm co-author, Beverly Whipple.
Making yourself happy also includes making time for hobbies and creativity that have nothing to do with sex. So treat yo’self.
3. They experiment
You know that position you’ve been wanting to try? Go for it. You know that sex toy you’ve been wanting to ask your partner to use on you? Ask them. You know that “silly” stuff you got at your bachelorette party? Get silly with it. Incorporating new things and experiences in the bedroom can be fun as long as both parties are comfortable with it.
“Some people have so much performance pressure and anxiety, and that’s what holds them back from even experimenting in the first place,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin.
4. They work out
Remember Elle Woods’s speech about how endorphins make people happy, and happy people don’t kill their husbands? Well that theory kind of applies to sex, too. Those same endorphins that boost your mood can also boost your confidence.
“If you are confident and relaxed with your sexuality, and in your body, the world responds differently,” explains sex positive life coach Lawrence Lanoff.
Studies show that there’s a correlation between low self-esteem and low libido for both men and women. Sex-related anxiety is often connected to negative body image.
5. They communicate
Couples who make communication a priority tend to get it on more often. Even if you’re not in a relationship, knowing how to communicate on a date is equally as important. Unfortunately, most people aren’t mind readers. If we don’t let people know what we’re thinking, they’ll have no idea what’s going on in our heads.
“Many couples struggle to talk about sex in a way that is positive and to the point. Often in therapy, I have to teach couples how to have a conversation about sex that doesn’t sound like a fight,” says sex therapist and marriage therapist, Angela Skurtu.
“This involves relaxed, honest answers to questions about what you like and dislike.”
6. They listen
A big part of communication is listening. These people can’t be having far-out sex stories if everything went their way behind the bedroom door. (Okay, maybe they could, but that’s an entirely different article…) Since they listen, they’ll also be receptive if you occasionally say “Okay, we get it. You have a lot of sex”.
While the thought of attempting to do all of these things may sound exhausting, it can be helpful to keep a few of these tips in your back pocket. In fact, some of these character traits show up in popular motivational books like Stephen R. Covey’s, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Maybe our overtly sexual friends are onto something…
Comment: What gets you in the mood for sex?