The human body is so weird sometimes…
Considering it’s one of life’s greatest pleasures, the female orgasm can be surprisingly elusive.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, only around 10 per cent of women can easily achieve the big Oh, while the remaining 90 per cent of us tend to have a bit more trouble getting our toes to curl in bed.
There are lots of reasons you might have trouble reaching orgasm, from just not being fully in the mood one night to having a terrible sexual encounter filled with fumbling hands and awkward thrusting, which makes it impossible to even think about climaxing.
But it’s not always quite so clear why an orgasm might seem out of reach. There are also some pretty out there and surprising reasons your body might not be pulling into Pleasure Town station each time you have sex…
1. You’re not masturbating enough
Fans of masturbation have been touting for years that how often you have some solo fun can directly impact your chances of reaching orgasm when you’re with a partner. Marriage and sex therapist, Kat Van Kirk, says that perfecting your ability to use your imagination and fantasize during masturbation can help a woman do this during sex, leading to the big finale. Practice makes perfect, and orgasming alone can make it easier for you to orgasm during sex as well.
2. Your medication is affecting you
Blood pressure medications, anti-depressants and birth control pills may have their positives, but they can also inhibit your ability to reach the big-Oh. Dr Van Kirk says these three common medications can be major orgasm inhibitors, as they can often cause a spike in prolactin levels, which reduces libido. And there is some bad news for hayfever and allergy sufferers, as well. “Antihistamines can reduce your ability to self-lubricate and make sex uncomfortable,” which can impact how enjoyable sex is and, of course, the likelihood of an orgasm. If you suspect any of your medication is the reason for a lack of fireworks in the bedroom, talk to your GP about it before making an informed decision, because you should never just stop taking any medications which have been prescribed to you.
3. You don’t actually know what an orgasm feels like
With so many kinds of orgasms out there to be had, it’s not surprising many women have no idea whether they’ve actually had one or not. In fact, many women who report “never having had an orgasm” have actually just never had the most common type of climax: a clitoral one, but have at some point most likely experienced a vaginal orgasm. Vaginal orgasms still feel amazing, but can be far less earth-shattering than clitoral orgasms, which are much more scream-down-the-house type affairs. So rest assured, if you think you’re not orgasming at all, you might just be having a vaginal orgasm.
4. Your partner isn’t hitting the right spots
Every woman is different. Every one of us has slightly different bodies and vaginas, and everyone has their own kinks, fantasies, angles, motions, buttons, and things which make us moan. If you’re having a hard time getting there, especially if you haven’t had an issue with it in the past, or with other partners, it might be because your current lover isn’t hitting the right spots. “Communicate what works for you and what doesn’t,” Dr Van Kirk suggests. A good – and fun – way to do this is through mutual masturbation, where you can show your partner exactly how you like to be touched.
5. You wear heels too often
Okay, this is a bit of a weird one, but hear us out. As amazing as they look and make us feel, wearing heels too often can have a negative effect on your pelvis and pelvic floor, as well as your psoas muscles. These muscles connect with nerves leading to your genitals, and so may have a direct impact on arousal and climax. “When your psoas muscles are sticky and tense due to prolonged high heel wear, they can’t transmit the messages necessary for orgasm,” explains Dr Eden Fromberg, a OBGYN from New York. It’s just cruel that something which makes us feel so sexy might be the reason we’re not having orgasms…
6. You’re just not into it
Have you ever heard the anecdote that women need the weather to be just right, Venus to be in retrograde and our email inboxes to be empty to even consider getting in the mood? While that might be a bit extreme, it’s rooted in some truth. Stress can have a massive impact on whether or not we reach orgasm during sex, and so can distractions and general insecurities. “For women, much of the sexual response starts in the brain,” says Alyssa Dweck, a gynecologist and clinical professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. There’s also the possibility you’re just not attracted to your partner because you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, and that’s why sex is becoming a chore. But if you’re in a healthy relationship and still experiencing difficulties with orgasm, doing something to calm the mind and de-stress before getting down and dirty can be a really effective way to relax the body and get things happening downstairs. You should also look to open a dialogue to ensure you’ve addressed any underlying issues with your partner, so insecurities can take a backseat.
7. You didn’t pee first
We all know a woman should go to the bathroom after sex, but she should also definitely go before as well. Apart from being in the middle of sex and feeling extremely uncomfortable because you suddenly need to pee like Niagra falls, it can really hinder any chance of climaxing as well. “It can be incredibly hard to reach orgasm when your bladder is full because it’s hard not to be thinking, ‘Don’t pee!’ the entire time you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself,” says Dr Van Kirk. So always make a note to duck to the bathroom before slipping under the sheets, and if you get the urge to pee during sex, it’s probably better to politely slip out and relieve yourself than to stay uncomfortable and refuse yourself an orgasm instead.
Images via shutterstock.com, giphy.com, tenor.com.
Comment: Have you ever experienced difficulty reaching orgasm?