7 Things Lesbian Couples Do In Bed That Straight Couples Could Learn From

September 5, 2016

Man, I feel like a woman.

Who here watched The L Word? Even though it was slammed for reinforcing lesbian stereotypes and not providing the broad view of the gay community it promised, it was one hell of a popular series, and was signed on for a second season after just two episodes. Why? Because, love it or hate it, the controversial show made way for a topic that had been largely unexplored on our screens: lesbian sex, which was once just a discussion had between men who dreamed of watching two attractive women get it on.

Years later, thanks to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, we’re finding out lesbians actually have more orgasms than their bisexual and straight counterparts. And since as many as 75 per cent of straight women have trouble climaxing, it’d be a smart idea to adopt any lessons we can from our lesbian friends, who know that…

1. Foreplay is vital

You’d be hard-pressed to find a lesbian couple who skips foreplay. This is because it’s one of the main ways to get each other off.

“The big difference really lies in the fact that straight women are more reliant on intercourse for their orgasmic experience,” says Elisabeth Lloyd, who co-authored a study of the sexual habits of lesbian couples.

“We know that the longer the distance is between a woman’s clitoris and her vagina, the less likely she will be to experience orgasm with intercourse [from regular penetrative sex],” says Lloyd.

2. You shouldn’t underestimate the power of a tongue

The absence of a penis leaves space for another organ to take the spotlight, and in this case, that’s the tongue. And since experts say most women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm, it’s unsurprising lesbian couples, who tend to spend more time on oral sex, have more frequent orgasms.

In fact, in a 2006 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, it was found that thanks to this fact, lesbian women report a higher level of sexual satisfaction after intercourse than their straight counterparts. The lesson? Don’t neglect oral.

3. There’s no benefit to being selfish

Since same-sex intercourse often calls for a greater amount of energy focused on pleasing your bed mate, it’s less likely to be selfish.

“I’ve had sex with both straight guys and lesbian women and when it comes down to it, lesbians care more about pleasing women because we have a deeper connection with other women sexually and listen more to each other when it comes to sex talk,” says Sarah*.

4. Intimacy is everything

A study by sex researchers Masters and Johnson in 1979 found that lesbian sexual encounters tend to be much more focused on achieving physical intimacy, and as such include more full-body sexual contact, rather than genital-focused contact.

Besides enhancing a feeling of closeness between partners, more time spent focusing on other areas of the body besides the genitals (read: nipples, breasts, neck, stomach, thighs) means less pressure to achieve orgasm, and as such, a greater likelihood of getting off.

5. You shouldn’t fake it ’til you make it

“We process everything from tube tops to exactly what kind of femme is Tina from The L Word, so it makes sense that we’d communicate about sex just as much. Rather than ignoring or deceiving our partner, we’re more likely talk through it instead,” says The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book author, Anna Pulley.

Conversely, when you fake an orgasm, you’re doing way more harm to your relationship, as you’re letting your partner think what they’re doing is enough to get you off. Lesbian couples understand that communication is the key to a fulfilling sex life.

6. Sex isn’t a race

In heterosexual sex, it often feels like a race against time, (extra true of anyone who’s ever slept with a guy who thinks he’s a human jackhammer). In contrast, many lesbian couples make it their goal to see how long the sex can last, rather than who can hit O-town first. Almost 10 per cent of lesbians have sex that lasts for more than two hours, compared to just 1.9 per cent of straight couples.

“Sex with women is more of an adventure than a task. An orgasm isn’t even the point. I had sex for three hours once and looked at the clock thinking it had only been like 44 minutes. It was awesome,” says Emma*.

7. Variety is everything

According to OkCupid data, the attributes lesbian women use to describe themselves in online dating profiles most often include ‘adventurous’ and ‘kinky’. That’s probably largely due to the fact that lesbian couples need to be more creative with the way they stimulate and bring one another to orgasm, and as such, role-playing and sex toys often factor into lesbian sex play.

In fact, in a 2015 sex survey by The Irish Times, 80 per cent of lesbian women reported regularly using sex toys in the bedroom. The bonus of adding a kinky toy into your sexual repertoire? You’ll be opening yourself up to new realms of pleasure and enhance your bond with your partner by trying new things together, so it’s really a win-win.

Images via giphy.com, tumblr.com and makeagif.com.

Comment: How do you keep the spark alive in your bedroom?


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