“You hang up. No, YOU hang up!”
Relationships are beautiful things. What could be better than someone who will always have your back, find your bad habits adorable, and provide snuggles on demand? When two people meet, fall in love, and bring out the very best in each other, there really is nothing more powerful to witness.
However, when one half of a pairing cannot be autonomous outside of their relationship, it becomes excruciating to watch.
Welcome to the world of codependency, where one person loves the other to such a gargantuan degree they forget their own needs, wants and desires. This can lead to a loss of identity or a botched sense of self, and is a surefire way to destroy your other relationships with family and friends.
But there is hope! Codependency is easily avoided or remedied if you nip it in the bud. Here are eight signs your relationship is headed for Inseparableville. Population: two…
1. Your personality starts to morph into his
You know how he scratches his belly when he laughs? You now do that. And how he’s oddly quiet when a storm is about to hit? Yep, you do that too. And remember when you used to find Seinfeld hysterical? You no longer watch it because bae thinks it’s stupid. Do you see what I’m getting at here?
2. You buy him things ALL THE TIME
Birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, the day you first did the laundry together… you’ll think of any excuse to grab your nearly maxed-out credit card, run into Tommy Hilfiger, and snatch up the first five things you see. Watch it; if you’re in this state of mind you’re very easily taken advantage of.
3. You refer to yourself as ‘we’
From an outsider’s perspective, you have officially graduated to irritating, level 10. While it’s eerily easy to ‘lose yourself’ in a relationship, you should always avoid literally offering up your identity to him, if only to avoid the constant eye-rolls from friends. Repeat after me: you are you, not ‘we’.
4. You constantly need him to touch you
There’s nothing more worrying than watching a woman grabbing her man’s arm and dragging it around her waist every five minutes just to remind herself he’s real. Or begging him to kiss her. Or leading him around by the collar. Girl, reassess, before your friends drop you from their catch-up lists.
5. You assume he’s always invited. Even when he’s not.
Bringing your bae along to a girl’s night is a social sin equivalent to showing up an hour early to a party. Just because you want to be with him at all times doesn’t mean your girlfriends do. Chances are, they’d like a break from him to get some quality time with you so they can recall how you look when you’re not surgically attached to another person.
6. You think your matching outfits are cute
Matching outfits are literally the number one way to communicate to everyone around you that you no longer have an identity. Remember that time when you dressed for yourself and your style was an expression of your individuality? If you currently own matching onesies, you’ve officially given that the flick.
7. You leave parties early to go home and chill together
Got a bag full of excuses at the ready before you even arrive at your friend’s party? Newsflash: everyone knows “I’m/he’s not feeling well” is code for “We’re going to go home and watch Netflix alone together instead of hanging with actual other human beings.” There was a time when you would have cringed at that couple while throwing back another shot and dancing on the table till the morning hours. Your friends all miss her.
8. You genuinely lose interest in your friends and family
This may come as a huge shock, but there are actual people in your life who love you as much, if not more, than your SO. And if you’ve blissfully gone a more than a month without seeing those people in favor of spending every waking minute outside of work with your bae, you’ve officially crossed over into codependency. Remember when you used to text and call your friends all the time, just to see how they were doing? When you wouldn’t hesitate to accept a last-minute invite out for drinks or spend your entire weekend shopping and lunching without a man attached to your hip? Discipline yourself to start giving your loved ones some much needed attention before they forget you exist. It’s totally cool to want to give your guy the world, just make sure he doesn’t become your world.
Images via giphy.com, hitflix.com and tumblr.com.
Comment: Have you ever been in a codependent relationship, or are you friends with someone who is?