Seriously, calm the hell down, ladies.
As a 22 year-old dude, I’m going to preface this straight up by acknowledging I am in no way an expert on the female mind; nor would I ever profess to be.
What I am an expert on, though, is men, because, well, I am one. And it needs to be said on behalf of all dudekind that nothing turns us off more than a girl getting all crazy on us in the first five seconds of dating them.
Women need to calm TF down and stop trying to examine and deconstruct our every move, text response (or lack thereof) and mind-read us. You’re sabotaging any chance of a relationship with us before things have even had a chance to get off the ground.
As a woman, you’re born with a natural magnet that draws men in without you lifting a finger. You have a vagina. That’s enough. Stop thinking so much and just let our sensitive hearts feel you and our horny compass direct our way to your mysterious Pandora’s Box.
I’ve lived all around the world and met a lot of amazing women but have only fallen in love once, and it all started with her NOT giving me attention, NOT replying with paragraph text messages and NOT wondering where I was or what I was doing 24/7. Here’s the list of things you should STOP doing right now if you want a guy to stick around and not run for the hills after the second date…
STOP using your girlfriends as a focus group
Psycho-analyzing every text and interaction you had with a guy with your friends is a really dangerous idea that only ever leads to obsessing and trying to mind-read us. Trust me, men can be equally bad, but a group of guys sitting around strategizing a text response goes more like this:
“Guys, what should I reply?”
“Ask her if shes DTF!” “Ask her if she ever been in a threesome! ” “Send nudes ”
“Thanks guys, I’m just gonna ask her what she’s doing tonight.”
“Whatever dude… Yo! Level five, this is where I get to shoot all the naked zombies…”
We really don’t have the patience to add any context to our responses. Believe it or not, the following exchange of message would be a every guy’s dream:
Girl: What are you doing tonight?
Girl: OK, be there @ 8
STOP assuming there’s a subtext
When men and women first meet, women tend to read WAAAY more into what we say, do, or text than what’s actually being communicated, while we’re still just looking to get to know you mentally and physically (more physically than mentally).
So what that means is when we say “I’m busy tonight” we are literally busy doing shit. When we say “Oh crap, I completely forgot I have to feed my roommate’s cat tonight”, our roommate is NOT a girl and the cat is NOT her vagina. And when we say “I like you” IT JUST MEANS WE LIKE YOU. We don’t want to go away together tomorrow, meet your parents, or have your spare key. We just want to take our time getting to know you and see what happens, one step at a time.
STOP playing games with us
Men love playing games, it’s in our DNA. Winning is everything for men, no matter what your hipster guy best friend tells you. It all started with the first ruler we ever purchased – we compared amongst each other and realized it fed directly into our egos, hence winning in that department made us confident and avoiding incompetency made us want to win at everything else.
In dating, women try to play games just as much, if not more so than men – be it strategically withholding sex, sending passive-aggressive text messages when you want something and expect us to read between the lines, or making us jealous by flirting with other guys. These are all games we can’t win at, and we men are terrible losers. In fact, in many of these scenarios, we’re actually way more sensitive than women, and once our fragile egos have been hurt, we’re extremely unlikely to come back for more.
So if you want to hold on to the man you like, DON’T PLAY GAMES. That means if you want to go out with us tonight, don’t shoot off several ambiguous texts expecting us to pick up on it. Just ASK US OUT. If you want a commitment before sex, make it clear from the beginning that you have standards, most guys will actually be impressed by your honesty. And those that aren’t? Be glad they’ve shown their true colors as fuckboys early on and saved you precious time from freaking TF out over their loser asses.
Image via weheartit.com.
Comment: Do you agree with this perspective?
SHESAID is a global women’s website that aims to inform, inspire and empower women. Established in 1999, SHESAID is dedicated to telling it how it is, sharing real women’s stories about the issues that really matter to them. We know women, because we are women.