Ask Kathy B: My friend’s new girl doesn’t like me

November 9, 2004

Ask Kathy B: My friend’s new girl doesn’t like me
Question: Hi Kathy B, I have a few male friends and my husband is fine with it, some have even become his friends too. The problem is my closest dear male friend recently got a girlfriend, about three months ago, and she seems to have a problem with us being friends, regardless of the fact that I am married. I have been friends with this guy for three years and don’t want to throw it away for her. We don’t see much of each other, probably only once a month if that so it?s not like I’m “always around”. And if I was interested in him I would have had him by now. How can I soothe her insecurities and be her friend? I’ve tried to be nice but she won’t even talk to me unless she absolutely has too and even then I can sense her dislike.

Kathy B: This is a bit of a tough situation for you I?m afraid. Yes its unfair that she?s making you feel about as wanted as a piece of toilet paper on the bottom of her kitten heels but remember that if you really are this guy?s friend then you?ll want the best for him and for him to be happy. We don?t always love our friends? partners but we do need to learn to somehow get on with the difficult ones if we want the friendships to continue. Unless you have regular heart to hearts with your male buddy there?s no point in talking to him about it ? it?ll just make him feel ultra uncomfortable or he?ll tell her what you said, making her hate you even more (I said it wasn?t fair!). Just remember that she?d probably be behaving this way no matter who you were so don?t get paranoid. It is time for you to be the much bigger person. Have you tried over the top ?nicing? her ? being sincere but being nice to her no matter how rude she is to you. Give her sincere compliments and get your husband on board to do the same. Talk nicely about her to other people so hopefully she?ll get a ?Lizzy said you had great style? comment back (which trust me will have a massive effect). For a while don?t meet up with your guy pal on your own, only do group events with the four of you or ever better a bigger group. Be tactile with your husband when she?s around but don?t touch your friend. Be friendly and call her over to a group and introduce her and say, ?This is Ben?s lovely girlfriend Lisa. Listen to this great story she has about Ian Thorpe?. Give her as much or more attention then you do your friend, laugh and be friendly and never sidle off or tell other friends how uncomfortable she makes you feel. Totally focus on making her feel comfortable and secure. If that doesn?t work after a few months then she?s most likely not the right girl for your lovely guy pal and hopefully he?ll see that on his own. If that happens, work on setting him up with some great girls you do like. But if you do crack her seemingly impenetrable shell your friend will love you all the more for it and hopefully she will too.

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