Ask Nadia: How Do I Give A Good Blowjob?

July 31, 2019

SHESAID’s resident sexpert tackles your stickiest sex questions every week.

Dear Nadia,

Do you have any tips or advice on giving better head to my man? I’d really like to improve in that department. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing!

Sincerely,

Shy Girl

Dear Shy Girl,

My first bit of advice is going to sound painfully simple, and yet it’s something very few women actually ever do: ASK him what he likes!

As women, we’ve been conditioned to have an enormous amount of shame around sex, and this often translates to us not speaking up for ourselves or communicating adequately in the bedroom. More often than not, when I suggest to women to simply “ask” their male partner what he wants, I’m met with a response along the lines of, “I’d just feel too embarrassed or nervous to bring it up.”

And look, I get it. Talking about sex when you’ve been raised to believe it’s secret and shameful and dirty isn’t exactly comfortable – at least not to begin with! But consider this: You’re already naked. You already have his dick in your mouth. You’ve already done the most vulnerable thing you can do with another human. Asking him how he likes it is really the easy part! 

It needn’t be clinical or overly formal; you can make it super sexy. Perhaps say something like, “Gosh I enjoy sucking your cock, I’d love to get better at it. Will you tell me how you’d like me to hold you, and wrap my tongue around you?”

In terms of more practical advice, the best thing you can do when giving head is to mimic the sensations he feels when he’s having penetrative sex, because you already know that feels great for him. To do that, grip one hand tightly around the base of his penis, then put your mouth over the rest. Move your mouth up and down, swirling your tongue around his shaft and bringing your hand with it. Basically, the idea of this style is for your tight hand grip at the base of his shaft to replicate the sensation of the tight entrance to a vagina. Your mouth is then replicating the feeling of the inside of the vagina – warm, wet and firm.

To up the ante and go a little pornstar on him (which most guys enjoy) spit on his penis a couple of times before starting head. This looks very theatrical and pornish, so is a real visual turn-on for most guys, but also provides great natural lubricant for his penis ,so your head job feels smoother and more comfortable for him. After you’ve spit on his penis, ensure you run your hand up and down it a couple of times to coat it in your saliva, then you can go ahead and grip the base tightly and start to suck.

Another great tip is to, quite literally, focus on the tip. The head of a guy’s penis is the most sensitive, and so the closest he has to a clitoris. To really capitalize on his sensitivity in this area, you can concentrate your sucking just to the head for a few seconds whilst keeping that tight hand grip on the base of his shaft, then after you’ve teased the head, slide your mouth firmly all the way down his cock. It’ll drive him WILD.

Finally, when giving head, keep his penis angled just very slightly downward. This again mimics the angle of penetrative sex and additionally increases blood flow to his penis, thereby making his erection stronger, and bringing him closer to climax. 

As to whether you spit, swallow, or move on to penetrative sex before he ejaculates, that’s really up to you, and your partner should always respect your personal preference.

All of that said, while the above tips will certainly aid your blowjob-giving prowess, the very best oral sex always comes from someone who genuinely enjoys giving it. So, needless to say – relax, and have a good time! Because if you see giving a blowjob as a ‘job’ then it’ll feel like a chore for him too.

Good luck, and happy blowing!

Nadia xx

Check out Ask Nadia every Wednesday. 

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