Ask Nadia: How Do I Keep Sex Hot In A Long-Distance Relationship?

July 24, 2019

SHESAID’s resident sexpert tackles your stickiest sex questions every week.

Dear Nadia,

My husband serves in the military and is away on duty for long stretches of time. When we see each other again, it feels like starting over. How do we rebuild the intimacy we’ve lost, and is there a way to maintain it while he’s away?


Lonely Lady

Dear Lonely Lady,

Long-distance relationships are hard work, there’s really no other way to put that. But if you and your partner are both committed to making it work, then it can absolutely be successful.

The best tool for strengthening any bond that’s stretched by distance is communication. Clear, ongoing, honest communication is key to any healthy relationship, and it takes on an especially vital role when you have to spend extended periods away from one another.

Set a regular phone ‘date’ to check in with one another. I mean really check in. Express if you’re finding it difficult being apart, ask your partner how they are doing emotionally. Then use communication to reconnect. Recount in detail the last time you both had a really memorable date together, or even passionate lovemaking experience. Describe the sounds, smells, feelings – really paint as vivid a picture as possible to create the scene in both of your minds. Then have your partner do the same.

By doing so, you are both reconnecting with that passionate, intimate side of your relationship that can so often degrade over time apart.

Additionally, consider having a ‘phone sex’ date where you talk dirty to one another about all the things you’re going to do to one another’s bodies when you’re together again. I also recommend investing in a new sex toy called the WeVibe Moxie (check out the video I did on it here). It’s a small, wearable clitoral vibrator your partner can control via their smartphone from literally anywhere in the world, and makes for a really fun way to keep your sex life alive while you’re apart.

Finally, when you’re back together, really prioritize going back to basics. Things like kissing, foreplay and extended eye contact are often lost in long term relationships as couples get more familiar with one another, and can really negatively impact the quality of your intimacy and connection. Re-prioritizing these things is also an incredibly powerful way to reignite your passion. 

So rather than rushing straight to penetrative sex when you’re together again, make like you’re teenagers in high school again and instead have a long makeout session and lots of over-the-clothes fondling. This helps build desire and can relight that sexual fire you have for one another.

Finally, be gentle on yourselves. Long-distance relationships can be incredibly challenging, it’s okay to admit you’re having a difficult time with things, so long as you keep those communication lines open with your significant other. 

Nadia xx

Check out Ask Nadia every Wednesday. 

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