Ask Nadia: Why Does It Take Me So Long To Orgasm?

October 23, 2019

SHESAID’s resident sexpert answers your stickiest sex questions every week.

Dear Nadia,

I feel like it takes me a really long time to orgasm. Sometimes it can take almost an hour. Is that normal? 

Sincerely,

Worried

Dear Worried,

There is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex. Trying to conform to a perceived ideal simply adds unnecessary stress, which has a negative impact on your arousal levels and will make climaxing difficult.

I’d advise getting rid of the idea of a time limit and instead just living more in the moment when you’re being intimate with your partner.

Secondly, and this may sound radical, but try having sex without the goal of having an orgasm. As soon as we make sex a goal-oriented activity, we add an element of pressure to it and in doing so kill the potential for truly organic pleasure. As such, by taking orgasm off the table you may ironically find you reach climax faster.

You might also be interested to know that most women take at least 20 minutes to climax during sex. That’s at LEAST. For some women it’s much longer. Interestingly, most women can climax in under five minutes during masturbation, which shows there’s nothing biologically wrong – it simply comes down to the thought process so many of us go through during sex, which includes stressing about things like how we look and how long it’s taking us to hit orgasm.

Needless to say, stress and pressure are the biggest orgasm-killers there are, so the more you can remove them from your sex life, the better.

Finally, this isn’t all on you. Your partner also needs to come to the party here. If you want to get to orgasm faster, the best way to do it is through having more foreplay, something many men skip right over in the rush to go to penetration. Ask your partner to slow down and spend more time kissing you, perhaps giving you oral sex, and just caressing your body before going to P in V sex. It will make a world of difference.

Happy climaxing!

Nadia xx

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