We Asked 16 Men What A Period Is. Here Are Their Shocking Answers.
“I think it feels like how your head feels when you’re sick. But your nose is a vagina.”
Maybe it’s because they split the boys and girls up in sex ed class, and only made the girls pass around a cup of water and a tampon for a demo on how feminine hygiene products work.
Maybe it’s because men don’t have to know what a period is, or what it feels like.
Or maybe it’s because some men are just dumb.
Whatever the reason, men sure do have some weird ideas about menstruation. We found 16 of the most bizarre responses to questions about what a period is, courtesy of – where else? – Ask Reddit threads, and have collected them here for your reading pleasure. Or possibly horror.
Read and be dumbfounded at the misinformation actual grown adult men are carrying around in their heads…
1. “My idea of a period is that there’s like this really bad cramp, like your insides are coming apart, while you feel bits of your body flowing out. Like you are constantly peeing yourself, but you can feel where the pee is coming from, and can feel it peeling off.” – rilanator
2. “Horrible. For starters, the leakage. No matter what sanitary pad/tampon I would be using I would be extremely paranoid it wasn’t enough. Then what’s actually happening, the lining of the uterus is expelling itself through your vagina, not only do I assume this is painful, but very, very discomforting. Then the self consciousness ‘can other people smell it?’ ‘That person giggling, are they seeing a blood spot on me?’ Seriously, I would fucking hate it.” – DrNick2012
3. “Galoshy in the swampy region. Kind of like when you have a wet fart that lubricates deep between your butt cheeks. Except with a period, it all happens in your front butt.” – EyesEarsMouthAndNose
4. “I imagine it’s like your ovaries going to war in your uterus and one of them launches a nuke, then the blood and flesh of the fallen seep out through a hole in the crater at the worst possible time.” – monty20python
5. “I think of [periods] the same way I think of other people’s kids. I know they exist and I know they’re necessary but I don’t want to hear about them.” – opus_4_vp
6. “Judging from the tampon commercials [having your period] feels like a day at the spa that makes you want to dance around on the beach in slow motion and play sports with your friends.” – tywjust
7. “So you overdid crunches today and now your lower abs are sore something fierce. And you also, inexplicably, drank a cup of Taco Bell’s fire sauce. Nature’s calling, but you’re holding it in, which hurts your achy abs even more. Oh, and you can’t poop it out. It just leaks out slowly until it’s done.” – Boukish
8. “Like how your head feels when you’re sick. But your nose is a vagina.” – Postflop
9. “Like walking around all day with a wicked runny nose, but in your crotch. And diarrhea cramps.” – combatwombat8D
10. “I don’t like the idea of a sloppy, thick, bloody, diarrhea, coming out of my sex pipe 24 hours a day for a week, while I pretend that nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong with that, dammit.” – helloyesthisisgod
11. “In my head I always imagined it was this dull ache that was constant you until, for seemingly no reason, everything cramps up and it’s like getting kicked in the groin.” – danitykane
12. “From what I’ve gathered through conversations with period-havers I guess it would feel like swallowing a meat tenderizer and having it constantly bouncing around inside.” – CallMeCommander
13. “Like a bloated, crampy, far too wet-crotch nightmare. Everything about it makes me very happy to be a male.” – SuicideByYourMom
14. “Passed health class. Definitely never got on the topic of what having a period feels like.” – pandasgorawr
15. “Constipation in your ovaries” – OlympusMods
16. “It feels like your uterus walked downstairs and missed the last step.” – RedHuntingHat
Think you know everything there is to know about vaginas? Think again. Our editor Nadia explains 21 facts you probably never knew…
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Comment: What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard a man say about periods?