“Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog” by Lisa Scottoline
(Pan Macmillan Australia 2009).
Check out this extract from ‘chick wit’ genius Lisa Scottoline. If you like this little taste, you should definitely check out her latest read:
Right off the top of my head, I can make a wish list of ten normal powers that would change my life:
1. The power to match a lid to its travel mug.
2. The power to remember the directions that somebody tells me after I pull over to ask for them. Every time, as soon as I drive away, I forget. This phenomenon is impossible to explain, especially considering that I remember the words to every high school cheer.
3. The power to eat anything I want and not gain weight. If I had this power, I’d fly around in my cape and protect us all from Kirstie Alley.
4. The power to stop my hair from frizzing. I know its wrong to base
your self-esteem on your hair, but let’s get real. Good hair helps.
I went on a vacation to Paris, and my hair looked terrific. France has no humidity. A good hair country.
5. The power to find my keys and cell phone at will. In fact, if my cell phone could call my car keys, that would work too.
6. The power to walk in slingbacks without the strap falling down in back. This is an often-overlooked normal power. Anybody can walk in heels. Only experts can walk in slingbacks. I don’t qualify. Yet.
7. The power to watch Grey’s Anatomy without being totally annoyed by Ellen Pompeo’s lips. Lip actresses drive me nuts. I was barely over Calista Flockhart in Allen McBeal and now this.
8. The power to stay awake until the end of The Colbert Report.
9. The power to apply liquid eyeliner without it coming out like a sales chart. I feel sure that my life would change if I could put on
liquid liner. Best friend Franca can do it and she looks great.
Daughter Francesca can do it. Even Paris Hilton can do it.
10. Finally, there’s an array of normal powers that I’m squeezing in here, while I’m making my wish list. I’d love the power to get the Christmas lights working on the first try, find my dry cleaning receipt when I need it, remember where I parked my car, return the DVD rental before the late charges reach $37 and locate a working pen while I’m on the phone and a working flashlight when the power goes out.
Is it so much to ask?
I don’t want to be Superwoman. Just Normal woman!